Normal Days #14

Tonight we have the stars

One more year is about to end & I can't help but look back to cherish what I've found this year, what I've gained & what I've lost. It is not like some balance sheet or some random inventory checklist, it is just I feel like in all of this year 365 days what are the most b'ful things for which I'm thankful to God.

Like always, first of all I've to thank for my very b'ful friend who's always there for me. Well, she hates to reply my messages but yeah I hope she can mark this is as resolution for her in coming year, To reply Vishal asap, always. Not that I'm complaining but I sure don't wanna change a thing about her. She's just very very wonderful girl.

Thanks Mohur :-)

Second I want to thank my mums for always being there for me. This year has been very good regarding many things. I've got a good job, for the first time I went abroad, all because of my own, I'm earning good money, it all feel surreal whenever I lay in my bed & think about it. I never imagined that I can be here in offshore working for one of the biggest companies in the world. I'm not an engineer (Physics Hons. Graduate, to be very precise) hence my being in offshore is really a blessing. But above all, the happiest thing is that my mums is happy. I see her smiling & I know God is somewhere happy with me.

Thank you God for all that love.

Third I want to thank a very good friend of mine who is miles away but is still close to my heart. She is very amazing & smart & one of the strongest girls I've ever had a chance to know. Take Care my Peanut. You're always in my prayers.

I can go on & on what this year has brought to me & I can still never thank enough to almighty for all the happiness. I hope all you ppl out there have a rocking year ahead too.

Love all
Keep Smiling
God Bless :)

(To be contd..)

Dying

I'm killing myself
everyday
to stay alive
fighting myself
to breathe
before drowning
into oblivion
& forget
everything
which keeps the blood running
in my veins

I'm shunning my dreams
& living in reality
like my own obituary
where I die
daily
to smile
& pretend
that I'm OK
& everything's fine

so when I'm not there
to listen
or to hold you
just imagine
that when I remember you
I only smile
& that's the only dream
I won't let go
even as I'm dying

Disintegrate

I cut myself
to feel the pain
to ease away the numbness
to feel something
other than this ache
which I've in my heart
& I trace my scars
the angry pink
mismatched
& jarred
I want to rip myself apart
to see if stops everything
the world around me
finally engulfs me
into ecstacy
as I bleed
& see my life slipping away
taking every memory
as I fade
become nothing
& disintegrate

Effect

One night stands
& I still can't get you out of my head

many strings of women
yet no one makes love like we had

What you do to me
I'm sure no one could ever have

The same effect
which beats my heart

The same effect
which tells me you'll always be my part

I can't recereate
any of the things
all of our past

I wake up to a new face
everyday
some arms around me
but none of them have the warmth
the same effect
which beats my heart
& one day I might let go
of everything
of our future
& our past.

Normal Days #13

Here I am

Yesterday I was walking on Zakum West Platform towards GG 2 gas station, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, well it serves my purpose, I'm known to confuse ppl, remember?
Anyway, as I was taking a walk I saw the sea waves catching upto 10ft of heihgt and it was mesmerizing in its own kind of way. I don't know what I enjoy most here, the complexity of Oil & Gas Industry or the every face of nature? Actually I know, it is the nature taking its own course sometimes silent like my pleas and sometimes roaring like my dreams where I dream of you. I love being alone here amidst the vastness of everything, amidst the hollow of skies, between the crushing sound of machines & rumbling of sea and sometimes if I'm lucky I hear the cries of seagulls also.

May be this is the reason I love being here too much. I want to be away from everyone and the niceties of society. I'm not much of a people's person. I avoid interaction on any social level and when I'm here it seems good to have this excuse that I'm not available because of the job I'm in. I know it is cowardice & hiding away is not good but who said I'm here to do good and be a good boy. The anonymity which this industry, this job has provided me feels wonderful every time I'm here. Sure when I leave home I get a lil nostalgic and miss it for a few days but once when I settle in it feels good to have this option where nobody gives a damn about you & you're kind of invisible.

Don't think I'm a sociopath or anything or go ahead think whatever you may like it doesn't matter. I'm good in the world which I have created for myself & please don't lecture me about the reality & all that I'm missing because I live in dreams. I don't like reality anyway. It's way too much for me & for the dreams which I see. I'm bored now & I think something is wrong with me. I don't feel like writing anymore when I'm in front of the screen but when I'm about to sleep or roaming aimlessly. I don't know what's wrong may be it is because opf winters & my mind has gone into hibernation mode. I like to think it is hibernation. It is cool, right?

Too much of weirdness I think. Well, see you later.
Merry Christmas & A Prosperous New Year in case I didn't turn up by that time.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #12

Back to you

For quite a time now I've been acting insane & not in a good way, wait, that doesn't come out right; what I meant was I'm taking everything for granted now a days. I was not social before but now a days I'm acting hostile. I don't go well along with anyone, I speak harshly to everyone & I'm acting like a real ass.

So I was wondering why am I acting like such an asshole? Apparently there's no reason for that save the line between pride & being a jerk is getting blurry for me. I don't give a damn for anything which is a gift for me from God. Even writing this down I'm feeling like a hypocrite. Many of my friends have advised me to mind my attitude. I'm losing my temper very easily right now. I had problems like that before too but now a days I'm acting all almighty & superpower. Something is wrong with me & to figure it out I think the best thing would be to hide away like I always do. This is time for a new approach though. I'll act responsible & mature and will think before I say anything. This will make me to have lesser argument from human population.

Well I can always hope I can do that irrespective of the stupidity of the population in question.
Let's see how this goes.

(To be contd..)

Lost

I'm lost

find me a way

to get out of me

where there is you

only you

which prevails

even in me

I'm not good with myself

but you're always better

you always smiled

even when I was bitter

just hold me in your arms

as I'm losing myself

again
to me

The Denied Love

Lonely

In some far away world there was a lil boy who had everything & everyone. He lived in a lil home with 1 room, kitchen/bathroom and with his father & mother. They might not had the luxury of life but they had the most important thing which made their life full of smiles. They had love for each other. They all ate their meals together & they always thanked God every night for the b'ful life they had. The lil guy was just 4 years old & has just started going to school. He used to learn all the rhymes & stories there & in night asked his father to tell him more.

His father was a blue collar worker in some construction company & his mother was housemaid at some rich & expensive household. Life was not easy for them but they were getting up everyday & fighting their way to it. The kid was loved in abundance and both his mother & father always take care of him. Life was going good for them but then one day his father got sacked because of the job cut & he lost his job. That day was when everything started to fall apart for that flabbergasted family. The time were going to be hard & their beliefs were going to be tested. The love, which was superfluous irrespective of the inflow of cash, which was all unconditional will also be questioned. Let's take a look if they'd fall apart under all of the situations or will they stick through all thick & thin.


Father

What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to put food on the table for us & what about all the bills? I have to take care of this situation & be the man which my wife wants me to be & to set a better example for my son that no matter what hardship we are facing we should always have faith in ourselves & God. I'll talk to Martha and consult her as what are our options under the given circumstances. I hope we all get out of this unscathed & strong. She is the one who has always been on my side. And my kid, what on earth I'm going to tell him? His father has lost his job & with my qualifications & this current economy there is no hope either. They expectant face of my wonderful kid as he beam proudly at his old man, what he'd see now save dejection & beatings of life. Why this had happened to our family? We were happy together we never asked for anything more. Why did God robbed us of every lil thing we created our world with?

You might think that I'm over reacting but when you've nothing in sight but today you have every reason to be panicked. I don't think I have ever thought about what I'd do when I'd have nothing to do.



From here this story can take any turn. The father can leave the two after taking a bullet to his pride daily or he can get a job. I don't know what's going to happen.  But I'll write it, don't even know when.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #11

Bring Me to Life

I've edited this post many a times before even starting. I just want it to be coming from the heart not like I'm writing for the sake of it. I don't feel when it is forced or somewhat in lack of emotions.

The new look for my blog I've to thank again the b'ful friend of mine. She has always helped me with everything. I don't know where I'd have been if not for her support &, I don't know if I should be using this word, her faith in me. I just wish everyone should have a friend like her.

It has been 2 years almost when we first talked & it has been a wonderful journey so far. We do have different opinions about most of the things, literal & factual, but in the end she's the one with whom I can always be me. she doesn't mind my being weird or whatever goofy things I do or say. I know it is kind of lame of me saying all this here but I don't care because as I said earlier whenever I'd do something crazy & I'll, I'm jinxed that way, I'd always know that how blessed I'm to have her.

It is not exaggeration all what I said is all what I mean and to think I'm embarrassing myself by writing all this, well, it is all I can think to thank the girl which means world to me. I'm so honored & blessed to know her. She is very amazing for me.

Hope she doesn't get mad, if she ever reads it.

(To be contd..)

Book Blast : Slide by Michelle Congdon

After surviving a horrific car accident that claimed the lives of her mother and brother, Evangeline made a promise to herself to never go back to the city filled with the memories of her tragic past. But when her estranged father suddenly falls ill, she has no choice but to return to New York and to the life she spent twelve years trying to avoid.
Since the accident, heiress to the multi-billion dollar Montgomery Empire, Evangeline has always feared the media attention that comes with having the Montgomery name and would immediately give it all up if it meant the chance to bring back her loved ones. Delicate and camera shy, the last person she should have on her mind is a type of guy like Ryan Fox.
Witty, extremely arrogant but undeniably good-looking are only a few words Evangeline can use to describe the New York Yankee’s hot-shot. The notorious bad boy― well-versed at playing the game both on and off the field― isn't fazed about the media circus following his every move and couldn't be anymore different to the quiet, shy girl that she is. So, what does a guy like him see in somebody as messed-up as her? And although everything about Ryan screams trouble with a capital T, why can't Evangeline seem to stay away? It's not until they're away from the cameras that Evangeline begins to see the real man hiding behind the cocky facade- one that's hurt and haunted by a dark and terrible secret.
What will happen once Evangeline finds the courage to reveal what really happened on the evening her mother and brother died? And how will she react when she finally learns the truth about Ryan's chilling past? Will baring their deepest secrets bring them closer together or will it tear them apart and have them sliding into darkness all over again?

MEET RYAN FOX

Full name: Ryan Aaron Fox

Age: 24

Date of birth: 15th February 1989

Race: American/ Italian

Gender: Male

Height: 6’4

Weight: 205lb

Eye color: Greenish Hazel

Distinguishing features: Dimple on left cheek

Build of body: Tall, Athletic

Hair color: Dark Brown

Hair style: Wavy, Medium Length

Complexion: Olive

Current residence: New York City

Occupation: Pitcher for the New York Yankees

Hometown: New Jersey

Parents: Joseph & Serafina Fox

Siblings: Chiara, Liliana, Gabriella & Annabelle

Hobbies/past times: Collecting sports cars and artwork, attending and supporting local charities, spending time with family, watching the NBL, modeling.

Talents: Highest paid baseball player in the MLB to date.

Favorite types of music: R&B, Alternative, Old School Rock.

Favorite types of food: Mom’s homemade Italian cooking, Sushi and Pizza.

Favorite types of drink: Beer, Scotch and vintage Champagne.

Ryan picked up his first baseball at the tender age of six. He played throughout his school years and was drafted into the major leagues by the New York Yankees two weeks before his sixteenth birthday. He played his first game in the same week, placing him in the same category as some of youngest players in the world.

During the past eight years, Ryan has impressed the baseball world by winning two MVP Awards, Rookie of the Year and two Cy Young Awards. He has also made six All-Star game appearances.

When not busy training, playing ball or modeling for endorsements, Ryan likes to spend his down time helping his favorite charities, going to NBL games and going out with his friends and teammates.

He would do absolutely anything for his family and is very protective of his sisters, especially Annabelle. Since his father’s passing, Ryan has made it his duty to be a strong, positive role model to his youngest sister.

Ryan has had no previous relationships due to his baseball commitments. He prefers to have one-night stands, so neither party has time to develop feelings. That is until Evangeline Montgomery walked into his life…

About the Author

Michelle Congdon resides in Sydney, Australia. She has a Dalmatian named Jett, who to this day continues to hold an 8 year grudge against her after she had to leave him with her parents when she moved to the big city- this only proves animals are much like their owners. Michelle enjoys reading books of all sorts of genre's, watching way too many movies and TV shows (and Disney cartoons), singing out aloud to her favorite hits and going on adventures involving food and travel. Michelle is loud, talks a lot and shares an ever-growing list of fictional husbands with a friend. From when she was a small girl, she has always had an overactive imagination and has tried to put it to good use by sharing her stories with anyone willing to listen.


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Normal Days #10

World spins madly on

Despite of the title of the song I chose today I'm feeling very wonderful. This band 'The Weepies' was suggested to me by my very b'ful friend. She has always be the one who inspires me, always gives me the nudge in the right direction.

Memories come & go, some days I just wonder what good I did to have her in my life. I know if I want to thank her I could never do that because the words which could convey what I feel aren't enough. And she's the one who inspired me to find the perfect world in the words. In fact she always goes beyond everything & helps me to find me when I'm not myself. I know I'm kind of extremist guy & she won't approve of this crazy thing I'm doing right now (she usually dislikes when we just say things) but hey, as of now 'Words & words are all I have to take your heart away.'

I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have her as my friend & it is not a testimonial or anything, it is just me trying to make sure that I'm not living a dream, to remind my future self that what I've & not to throw it away because of my issues & insecurities.

I wish everyone has a friend like you, call me selfish but I want you for myself.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #9

I hope to see you smile but I'm always wrong

I know I'll be judged again for what I'm about to write & truly speaking I'm also tired of myself while I write about the same stuff over & over again. It is like I can write about only one thing & may be that is the problem with me that I don't take my imagination to the next level. I'm always stuck up with the same pathetic hopes & beliefs that one day The Girl who got Away will be in my arms for real.

I'm in middle of Arabian Gulf, I marvel at the nature's finest display of love every single day. I see the sun rising from the sea bed, turning the water into coppery color when it goes down, I see the fishes doing the dances underwater even when I am all surrounded with oil wells, rigs, machines & what not I still see the stars studded like diamonds. I see the Seagulls floating on water & may be because of the sound of machines on board I can't hear their cries but I still intently listen when they fly too close to our helideck.

The place I'm in & the name I've given you, you're always on my mind. I also know I'm sounding kind of pathetic but who cares what world thinks of me. Anyway, feeling so alone & so loved right now I have no idea how to describe these emotions. Sea under my feet, blue sky above my head, wind caressing me as I surrender me to all this magic. I know there will be a day when my dream will come true; when I'll buy an oil well & all of my friends & family will visit, seeing what I see here every day, feeling the same magic which I feel every day. The complexities which drive this industry while managing the world politics.

That reminds me I've a promise to fulfill about writing an article on Oil & gas Industry for my very special & b'ful friend.

This isn't turning out to be quite a pathetic write now, is it?

Well, there is always another day, eh. :D

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #8

High on sugar

Today I've been in my best form and if you're wondering what that is, well it is always the same, I'm confused like a ball of wool tangled in another ball of wool where the third ball of wool is also rolling with us somewhere.

You get my point.

Now coming back to the situation, I'm like a guy who is in the toy store with the choice to pick up as many as toys & I don't know from where to begin. (OK fine I couldn't come up with any perfect analogy, sue me, I explained before I'm not acting mature today). Anyway the thing is that I've too many books to read. There is Greek Mythology on one side then great fictional characters on the other, from one side there are books on Buddhism which I always wanted to read and then there are few books which I want to clear before committing to new books. I don't know what to do & I also don't want to read one book at a time. I want to read 2-3 books at a time. It is like you're tasting food & enjoying the sensation to take you somewhere else. (I know, I know not a perfect analogy again, but who gives a damn when I'm so confused!)

God! Where are my split personalities when I need 'em most? And to top that I've to do the job and in the hindsight I know when I'll go home I won't read a single word. I'm kind of guy who likes to read when in constraints. At home I'm free to do whatever I want & the thing which I want most now (read books) I won't do it then.

Am I making any sense?

Who cares? I'm just confused. Please help me God. Please tell me I've to take one book at a time & I shouldn't worry what's happening in the other parallel universe.

God I'm so high on nervous energy I want to shout out.

Please help me God.

So many books, so little time.

Normal Days #7

Take me as I'm

Y'day night when I was talking to my friend, she said I was sounding like a serious, sincere guy. I don't know why but I felt that this job has changed me after all. I'm acting mature, grown up, is a kind of thing I've never been accused of. I know there is still some depravity left somewhere in me. I hate being practical. I still believe that when we are not looking or when we are oblivious, all the things talk to each other. Like pens talking to books, chairs talking among themselves or having a discussion with tables or cutlery. Everybody has a life, just because we don't know doesn't mean it isn't.

Yes, after reading it aloud I still feel like I'm the same weird guy. I don't want to lose this side of me to the cold world of reality, ever. I guess I have to stop being so mature about everything I do or say. Though I don't try to but sometimes maturity stuff just comes out & people think I'm growing up. Damn the rules of society. But when she called I was sleeping maybe I can blame it on my state of unconsciousness. Yes, that seems about right. Anyway time to go all kind of crazy.

I'm suddenly feeling happy that I'm still the same ol' me ;)

Go ahead say it, today you can accuse me of anything. I acted like a sincere guy afterall :P

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #6

How I wish you were here

Sometimes there's a moment & that is all it takes to get lost in the sea of memories. I was just wondering if I'm a broken record always thinking about the things which are not with me rather than be glad about what I've. I write for lost love, the old times, memories I think of all those things may be what I've right now in front of me is slipping away because of all this nostalgia.

As I relive all those moments again I wish on stars for all the love. The only thing which I always hope that everyone should be loved; there should be one person in everyone's life whom you love with all the devotion. And why all these thoughts? Because tomorrow is Deepawali, a big festival for us & for all the 27 years of my existence this is the first time I'm away from home. The only thought which bothers me is that I'm not missing it as fervently as I should. Does that make me a bad person? I tend to think that I'm not. Or am I?

Well, let's leave it for some higher powers to decide; right now my only concern is that I am not at home for Deepawali this year, or for Christmas or for New Year. I love my job, I love being here but sometimes I wish I had some boring 9-5 job where by the end of the day I'd be at home relaxing, enjoying & doing whatever I feel like doing.

Reminds me of a song line

kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahan nahi milta
kahin zameen to kahin aasmaa nahi milta

And may be you can call me pessimistic or glass half full guy, I'm not. Why am I not missing the festivities which are taking place back at home? Damn me!

Confusing again? Thanks the Heavens for that, I haven't lost my touch.

(To be contd...)

Normal Days #5

The Coffee, the sea and the sunrise. Actually originally it was sunset but then sunsets are not my forte. I love sunrise. The hope for new day, new smiles, hope for love to come along. Sometimes wishing is all you have got. I know I've been out for a long time and I also know nobody actually cares but a guy can dream, right? Today it will be about what you want to say but can't, how you want to give your heart to one person & they are impervious of your feelings. There might be a chance that they don't know, there might be a chance that they know but they are confused too. And amidst all this you see them with other guy and that ache which is so profound that you feel it killing you.

I once read somewhere that the best feeling is not in being love but when love is in you. When it doesn't matter whether you can or can't be with the person you love, when all that matters that they are happy. I know it is all good in movies & books but trust me when it is all love you have you'll know that you're smiling when you see the love of your life going off to sunset holding hands not with you but with some other person. There is pain in your heart although it is love which conquers everything.


There are times when you want to forget everything and everyone and want to get lost, you want to go back to the time and want to redo certain moments again. It doesn't matter who you are, from where you are, there are moments which you don't want to let go of your memories. I know this is all going to be the same write as I've written already but I don't know no amount of help from my friend, no amount of boost from nature itself is able to cheer me yet. My favorite lines from my favorite singer, I need to quote them



& now the times are changing
looking everything that's come & gone
sometimes when I play my old six-strings
thinking about you & wonder what went wrong

To make that wrong right, to undo something, sometimes I seriously wish there was a time machine. But hey, love always finds the way. I always believe in fairytales & romance that lasts forever. Love is never easy when you give up all of you then only you'll see sun rising for you from the ocean & making the sky a kaleidoscope of love. The rays kissing you & letting you know someone somewhere is sleeping dreaming of the same thing. Hang in there :)

(To be contd..)

Fading Memories

let me be hidden
in your memories
& let me fade
even from there
one day
when we meet
somewhere
let us act strange
we once knew
each other
now let's forget
even the names
but what we can do
if heart remembers
everything
every promise
every kiss
& then let's
pretend
we are strangers
lost when
I slipped away..

One Day

One day you'll stop loving me
start disliking me
hating me
I'll give u reasons
because
I think
I don't deserve
to be loved
any more

One day
you'll be loved
like a princess
by a prince
you'll be wished
like a fairy
by a kid

One day
you'll be gone
from my arms
& I'll be dreaming
like I always do

Please don't love me
as I'm also
not loving me
anymore

but I'll be wishing for you too
for the smiles to be you
for the dreams
that that day
I should've given
me one chance
to tell you
without you
I'm falling apart
I'm scared
that one day
you won't love me
anymore

Normal Days #4

Today, as fate has already decided for me, I'll be writing about making thy own grave. The part where you sabotage your happiness on your own. Most of the ppl I know do that a lot actually.

Sometimes time isn't by your side and sometimes that happens so often that you think if you have been cursed. Believe me, the time you want to be left alone is also the time you want to be loved and loved so much that all your fears get washed away. Talk about hitting the axe on your own foot. You do all the wrong things, send the wrong signals to the ppl who care about you or at least pretend do, even pretending seems to take much of an effort, so kudos to them. Pushing ppl away and then secretly wish someone would call your bluff and love you, hug you and tell you that they love you no matter what, not a dream that could come true my friend. Sometimes you want to be alone and wonder if it is the right thing to do. Sometimes there aren't much of right things to do, there are all wrong things but you might have to choose which the least wrong. You know you're doing wrong by escaping into the oblivion but there's no wrong & right. These are the choices which we make to save our sanity.

Love which I so fervently talk about might not be true, it might get lost in the time frame but never let it get lost from you. You always have to believe that love will be coming around for you and those who love you will accept you for what you're.

I know this write is nothing new what you haven't heard since you were growing up but being alone sometimes let the hurt fade away. It helps you to know that no matter what you say or believe some ppl are destined to be alone. They are to hope that love exists in fairy tales and not for them. May be it is true but some of us choose to believe that fairy tales do come true and when they are about to come true well all we can hope not to disrupt the ending by doing something stupid and hence the hiding away. But no matter what we do fate catches up and let us know that love isn't for everybody, for some it is always in pages of books and in some fantasy. Love sure is over rated when I come to think of it. But I'll always believe in love. Hurting the ones you love, disappointing people who believe in you, failing miserably keeping up the hopes, join the club.

See all the magic of nights, colors of nature, vastness of oceans all these things might remind you of someone but you've no one but you and darkness which slowly is engulfing the loneliness in darkness too.

Confusing today..naah not so much. Feeling down..may be.
May be tomorrow is a better day.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #3

Today I'll be writing about a book and the feeling related to it "Infinite Love."

My best friend doesn't approve of that book and I know it is kind of erotic (the book is erotic & her disapproval is kind of annoying, in case you're getting a wrong idea) but what I've learnt from the book is, love always sees you through. No matter how hard for you is the time you're going through but at the end of the day if you're with the person you love nothing else can matter.

I'm known to stray away from the plans so if you find nothing about the book but much about the love please don't complain. You can send me the hate mail though :D
The point of this write is to mention that no matter where you're you can always find love. And just so be clear I mean love as an operative term, not conservative. Like you can find love how two kids are playing in snow, how a mother and her kid daughter are arguing about dolls which she'd to have because one of her friends has a better already than her previous collection, how a dad giving a fatherly advice to a 10 year old son & how his son is looking up to him like his father is even better than superman and how when a guy look at a girl like he'll always love her even when they are old & deaf, how he'd ask her out the next time, how he'd propose, how they'd celebrate their love and how everybody hopes to have their story to go till the end.

Today I won't dwell on to the dark side of losing and giving up. It is all about how love can be so precious that you'll always play putty into the hand of it. Love makes you do all the crazy things, it is a cliche I know it but isn't it true? Aren't all the cliches true? I have this feeling that when you're in love you should let yourself fall hard. Don't brace yourself. Let go of all the doubts, let go of all the hesitations because if you're not falling hard what's the point of being in love? Right!!

Feel the magic, feel the flowers blooming like your heart and believe when you're in love no matter how bad things go there is always love to count upon. Always. And no I'm not mentioning 'The Bible' in this write of mine. But you must be knowing what I want to say.

Spring is here, fall in love, fall hard and those who are in love already find out more reasons to fall in love with the moments you are in love with. and those who think they need someone to fall in love with, well, there's always love to fall in love with. Be in love with the love and then you'll be enjoying the gloomy winters too because white and cold sometimes makes us appreciate the cold & dark.

Confusing? Well there's always hate mail :)


I know there was no mention of the book but let it be for some other time & other some other title, for now, love and fall hard.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #2

Welcome again.
Second post in a single day, something is wrong with me. I'm at home, I've not read a single line since I'm back here, I'm sleeping at wee hours waking up almost at noon everyday. Something sure is wrong. Though I'm not here to discuss my calender if that's what you're wondering about. Like always I'll talk about my muse, love.

The strange thing about love is, sometimes you don't find it at the place you expect it to be. The people you count upon are most likely to put you down. The blessings that you were counting don't turn up and after that you feel alone, you feel lost, you've no one to love you, no one to listen to your silent pleas to be with you. There is not a single person in this whole wide world to whom you can speak your heart out. You have to put faces so that the world believes that you're doing fine, you are living the perfect life. But after the sun sets and the dark prevails, when the stars lit up the sky and moon disappears and appears some nights leaving them alone, the whole world is lighten up by Christmas lights and you're celebrating all these festivities with the world. No one knows how lonely you're because you're in a perfect life. But as they say dark is when the light doesn't make any difference. That is the worst form, the dark of loneliness.

Have you ever felt alone? There are many things a man is afraid of, the worst is death. Being alone is the superlative of worst, if that can be said. You might be surrounded by all those ppl you love, those you think will always be there for you.

The good thing is I've learnt this lesson long ago that don't expect anything from anyone and you won't get hurt. Sometimes you wonder if leaving everything behind is the best option. Oblivion is underrated after all. This thought of leaving the circumstances is so engrossing which makes the love overrated. You wonder that if life is overrated too. But you hope, you believe that someday someone is going to love you so much that it will really feel like the dream. It will erase all the pain, all the aches from your heart. You will believe that you're not unlucky, ominous or some creep. Love will always find the way.

Well, one can always hope.
May we all find that one person, no matter who that is, who loves us, just love nothing else.

Yes I'm weird.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #1

What I wrote yesterday might not have been making any sense but I think if I wanted to pour out my words on this white screen I should go with the same title instead of different posts every time I want to make me feel stupid.

And yes I'm still going to be weird. I can't help it.

Today it will be about heart wrenching. The feeling which you have when you wear your heart on your sleeve and go suicidal with it. It is different thing to yearn for something you can get, but to let this ache settle in your heart for something which you can never ever have, is simply, like I said, suicidal mission set up for your heart. But it can't be helped. We want what we want. I always like the stories, fantasies, dreams, realities where a person loves the other in-spite of knowing that for 'em there is nothing but pain in the long haul. Then why do they succumb themselves to such an agony? Why they don't, as the so called relationship adviser says, "Do something better."?

I guess the answer to that question is, and please forgive me if I use these prophecies in my every second write, but in my defense they are the best line ever. As I was saying ppl do succumb to the hardship because they believe that Love is always kind, love doesn't expect, doesn't resent...and all of it. Because when you're in love it is the reason enough to make the person smile you're in love with. You don't expect them to do anything for you because in the process of making them happy you're creating happiness for yourselves. I know ppl generally don't believe that it can be done in today's world but yes, it is all what love means. It means to give up everything for that person you love even yourself because in love there is no me & you it is always 'us.' And if you can't bare your soul with the person you love, you can't feel them like you in your body then you better don't call it love.

Please don't decipher from it that I'm asking to give up on your identity or all your dreams. It is a lil bit complicated than that. There should be no complications in love per se but hey, who said love is easy.

Confusing?

Well I've started to take it as an compliment.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days

There are somethings in life that you learn as you grow up. No school, no parent, no one can teach you what life will offer you at certain times and no matter how hard you try to let go of certain things sometimes you have to take that hard step ahead which is called moving on. Sometimes when you offer your heart when it is sure going to break what that makes you.

When you know that whatever dream you're chasing is never going to complete because you're wishing for moon. What you do? Do you call your friend and ask her how bigger of an idiot you are? Or do you lay low and grieve over the loss of things which were never yours to begin with?
I guess sometimes you have only dealt with the hand that has question marks cards on it. So, what to do then? To whom to turn for the help to find the pieces of the most complex puzzle called life?
And as always every problem as far as I'm concerned can be solved by turning to love. Love holds all the answers. Many have written about this and till the time we have actual apocalypse ppl will keep writing about it. So what am I doing here with another of my psychotic writes?


I'm feeling the pain. The pain which you feel when your lover leaves you, the pain you feel when all your dreams die, the pain you feel when you find you're all alone in this world and you've become so much pathetic that you fight with your imaginary friends over petty things. What kind of psycho does that to their friends?

In case you haven't noticed my writes all always about being alone, being neglected, being not able to experience affection a lot given with all of that I still believe in love. I still believe that love is always going to win. Love always has, always will. When you have to say someone that you love them sometimes you can say it with words, sometimes with your eyes, sometimes you remain silent and sometimes you do things they love and let them feel the love.

Always know that when you talk to person you love it always leads to a good.

(To be contd...)

Ever

The love which was never mine,

The smile which was not for me,

The dream I saw every night,

& the reality never lets me see,

with everything that was never meant to be,

I knew you'll be gone when I'll wake up,

It was sure a dream

and that it'd all ever be


The wishes I wished fervently,

The castle of happiness I made for us,

The night I spent watching for stars,

With the thoughts of you & me,

With all that big hurdles to tackle,

I was hoping to see you soaring free,

I knew you'll turn back when I'll reach there,

It was sure an empty hope,

and that it'd all ever be

and that it'd all ever be

Scattered Thoughts

Well, this will be a lil strange for all the normal people out there. I hope there are some of my kinds who will find it natural (in case if someone ever reads it). Sometimes I wonder why I got back to blogging when I can't continue it. Well, the answer is, I don't need blog to convey my thoughts. I have enough friends (well, maybe they are imaginary but hey, those count) to talk to and one a very b'ful real friend who always listens to me or at least pretends to. No offence, my guiding light. But that's the beauty right, she will never know I'm writing about her. I always tell her many things about me, I want to listen to her too but I can't pry much.


And just for the record I'm still struggling to write, not that I was a writer or something to begin with, but yeah, I used to write sometime or other. I know this is my place where I can write about my weirdness which I can't tell her even. So, here I go. I hope you've already noticed the erratic scattering of my thoughts. I started with something, hopped on to the entire different subject then and again to something other entirely. This is how I'm. Erratic, confused and the rest of me I think I'll keep figuring on.


So, my first of all wish is to know what I want. And in case you are wondering ( I hope one day if somebody reads it will wonder) no I'm not a hormonal teenager. I'm full grown, in job guy. Then it brings us back to the situation why am I confused? Am I craving for someone to talk to about my situation? Do I need a shrink to collect my thoughts? What the hell am I writing?


See? You sense the problem. I don't even know what I want from myself.

Sometimes it gets worse. I want one alter ego for myself but I'm too busy listening to the voices in my head. I don't think they can handle one more me and a tad more confusing personality. I know I'm not making any sense whatsoever. The plus point about this rambling is that no one will read it. I can write what I want. Sometimes I want to lay down and listen to nothing, I want to feel vacuum. Sometimes I want to feel heartache, like when I know air is sucked out of my system, where I want to die but my mind tells me otherwise hence I die over & over again but manage to stay alive. And, again, no, I'm also not a sadist.


These are just some random thoughts in my mind which normal people would find insane & hence the place where no one else would read them. And most of the times I want to love. I want to give my heart to one person & it doesn't matter if she breaks it, throws it away, laughs at me at the offer of offering my useless, worthless heart or if she keeps it for a while plays with it then breaks it, throws it away, get bore you know the deal, lather, rinse, repeat. But all this time while she would be busy doing all those things I'd be looking at her and making all the time worth it. I'll love her with all I have. My favorite lines in this entire world, the lines I never want to forget, the lines I believe in so much


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


I'll love her as I, like I love, love. I know people in my thoughts disagree with my idea of being so gentle and all philosophical but still I somehow believe in myself that much. Other than that I'm still me, with all the voices in my head, still the guy who runs away from all the confrontations, who hides from reality every now & then and find peace in the dreams which are too colorful to be trusted with normal living people. I hope no one reads it but it doesn't matter because those who care won't mind me getting more weird & those who don't well, sometimes I also don't care about myself, so welcome aboard ppl. :)


Confusing, eh?

That's what I do.