Scattered Thoughts

Monday, 24 February 2014

Our Date

I hope you're doing great & you're happy because no matter where I'm it always matters to me that you're out there & feeling safe. I wrote this for you a few minutes ago, where I'm asking you out & you've agreed to go on a date with me ( I know, it is a surprise for me too but in my dream you agreed so, I've taken the liberty to think of it as real. Yes, I'm weird that way).

Anyway, needn't to mention I'm ecstatic beyond measure & I might act like stupid (well, stupid might be putting it lightly, let's just say paranoid. OK, please tell me I'm not scaring you. See! This is the stuff I was talking about. I'm ecstatic!).

So this is what I wrote, hope you won't think me as a nutcase. :) I'm happy, so you can think whatever you like, you agreed to go on a date with me what else can matter in this world to me :D

I'll be writing more about our dates but this is the first one, hope you like it :)

Let me ask you out
on a date
I'd pick you up
at your place
you all dressed up
a lil nervous
like me (OK maybe I'm more than just a 'lil' nervous)
& let me spend
the entire time
looking in those eyes

When you open the door
looking b'ful
more than I could ever have thought
you smile shyly
is it OK to fall in love
there & then
even when we haven't said a word

Let me whisper
"you look breathtakingly b'ful"
& I also like the way you blush
it is blissful

Let me take your hand
& hold it in mine
all the while
you think of many things
& butterflies in your stomach
like I've in mine

Let me take you
not in a fancy restaurant
but under the sky
where we can have
moon & stars
our partners in crime
& let me show 'em
it was true
your eyes shine brighter
than all of 'em combine

You laugh
when I mock 'em
& ask me to stop making fun of 'em
"Moon are you jealous now
she's mine"
& I tell you again & again
how lucky I'm
& I hold your face
in my palms
& those eyes
make me believe
I haven't yet died
Kiss me
& make me believe
this is Heaven
& we are flying

Saturday, 22 February 2014

Let Me Fade

So, I'm here again, not feeling anything, may be a lil scared though, of all the happiness which I'm dreaming of. Strange, how even dreams of happiness scare me. Anyway, it is not like I'm retarted or something, always depreciating my self worth. Or maybe I'm, I don't know what to think of myself as I sink lower into the pit of self pity. Somedays are good, somedays are better but it is when I look back & think of all those things which happen around me, make me believe may be I'm the one who's jinxed. I'm the one who doesn't deserve peace or smiles. May be it is fine when ppl hate me. May be this is normal for me. At least I can't screw this up, right?

See, I see a silver lining, who says I'm not an optimistic guy? :)

So this is what I wrote again asking you not to love me, though I'm sure you don't but in my dreams you do. So, to ease the pain I'm breaking my dreams on my own. I swear it doesn't hurt that way :)

I falter at every step I take
as I breathe I make a mistake
I'm not the person to be with
what can I bring you
other than pain
you need someone
who says the right things
who doesn't have battles to fight
who will keep you safe
unlike me
I can't even save me from me

Let me fade
even from your memories
as you fly high
high in the skies

I fight my own demons
I lose to everyone of 'em
I'm scared of nightmares
& I come with nothing but strain
I'll drown you with me
you need someone
who lets you rest
who doesn't have nightmares to scare you away
unlike me
I can't even save me from me

Let me fade
even from your memories
as you fly high
high in the skies

Friday, 21 February 2014

Not Alone

Today it will be all about you, like it always has been, like it always will be. I hope you're smiling & have a great day tomorrow. You're always in my prayers. There are many things I want to say but I know, you know what I'd say. Even if you don't, let not it bother your pretty lil head as I'll be there soon telling you all what I want to say coz sometimes words aren't enough.

All the best for tomorrow Peanut :)

as they fail me
& prayers
which I'm sending
to Heavens
asking Gods
to take care of you
and angels
to watch out
for you

You're not alone
as now
I'm counting on me
for you

which I cling on to
& your smile
which I long to hear
you're not alone Flower
I've asked moon & stars
to be there
for you

& Dreams
where I dream
all about you
where you're smiling
without a worry
I've asked
days & nights
to cradle you
& love you
like I do

You're not alone
as now
I'm counting on me
for you

I wish you all the happiness & smiles.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

I'm a Nobody

Well, here I'm, again writing another one of my write. I was feeling a lil low when I wrote this two days ago & because of some reasons I don't want to share, I couldn't post it then. But here I'm sharing it with all you guys who read what I write (I hope someone's out there reading these, or not, it is an easy way to say things here which are weird in real world & practice what to say when in some social circles).

So, here it goes, brace yourself (I'm good at cheap humor too :P)

Tell me I'm no one
You don't remember me
Laugh at me
when I say
"you said you'll be there for me"
Ask me if I was being serious
"Don't you get the concept of being friendly?"
Let me act nonchalant
Though my heart is bleeding
& let me say with a smile
"Yes, I know, it was a joke,
you were not serious"
I mean, how you could be
I'm a nobody

Then you wish me well
& say
"see you around"
while leaving me alone
with a void & a very loud sound
of my breaking dream
but hey, don't worry
there's a guy out there for you
who would love you
even more than I do
I don't even love myself
I'm a nobody...

Fighting My Demons

This is what I do when I'm happy. I write & I hope. It isn't good or anything amazing like most of the ppl I know write but it helps me to lose some of the reality & be in the place where everything is good & where you love me. And most importantly I can dream that there you're mine, only mine & you fight for me when I surrender fighting my own demons.

I wrote this where I'm asking you to leave me while silently hoping that you won't. I know I'm pathetic but we've already established that so I don't bother wearing faces of sophisticated guy which I'm not.
So here it goes:

Look pretty
always smile
& forget me
I'll bring you down with me
I can't fly baby
I'm chained
with my monsters
whom I fight with
& every other night
when I sleep
without nightmares
I dream
how it could've been me
flying with you
across the rising sun
& moon & all those pretty stars
of your eyes
but I'm a monster
I don't deserve fairytales
I'm happy to see you there
looking pretty
& always smiling
& I silently hope
that you still
remember me
& in the morning
I go again
to fight my demons

Normal Days #22

High & Dry

God, do I make some sexy coffee or what? I wish I could take some snaps of the awesomeness I created but alas offshore policy doesn't allow us to carry any camera or phones which support cameras. Anyway, it's an obsession with me calling the food sexy names. I love my food that way & there's this hypothesis of mine for all you girls out there, if you're with a guy & he doesn't enjoy food don't go out with him. Foodgasms (Orgasmic sound which we make while devouring great food) are the window to the soul of a person. I love food & I sure will use all the techniques involving food while making love. Or I could invent some of mine too, you never know, I've been told I've a very vivid imagination. ;) Am I height of greatness or what?

So, before I turn into a pervert let me talk about the mood I'm in today. I made a coffee & suddenly I was thinking to open a coffee shop. At 27 years I'm still not sure about my career path, not a way to win girls over, huh. :D

But hey if I can make a cup of great coffee I can do anything, even win a girl's heart over. Well that's always the dream isn't it? And all this great day started because I made a great cup of coffee who knows what I'd do if I'd be given a chance in kitchen. No, no, no dirty thoughts. We can do that later & you know that's why I am always late for everything. This is because of my perverted mind. And why do ppl keep bugging me with official work when I'm in a full flow with my thoughts. They hinder my thought process.

Anyway, let's not lose the focus of good food & love making. Again! Enough with the perverted thoughts already. So while I'm basking in the glory of smiles I'm sending you all of my happiness coz without you nothing seems important. I hope you're there & moon & stars is watching over you sending my love. I hope someday I'll make you coffee in morning. You can do the math, if I am making coffee in the morning do I need to say what we did whole night ;)

Blush sweetheart, you know I've got a dirty mind :P

God I'm on fire today. It feels good hope you're feeling great too baby. I miss you more than you could ever know.

And to rest of you ppl this time I'm not imagining & making up some girl. She's real & she's waiting for me. I hope she is.

Take care my Peanut. You're in my prayers, always.

(To be contd..)

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Normal Days #21

Behind Blue Eyes

Well, today is another day. Amidst everything there are few things which still are same. I'm still missing you, still craving to listen from you, still praying for your well being. I'm still confused about what I'm feeling. I still haven't read a single chapter just killing the time reading articles on net, matching our horoscopes.

See, you see the problem. I'm a pathetic guy. I wish I'd someone who could steer my mind in right direction. I know what I need to do but I'm too lazy to even get up & dust off the mood I'm in. I'm not depressed, I'm not ecstatic, I'm a lil confused but most of all I feel lost. May be without you or may be it is just a dream which I don't wanna let go. Moon & stars is OK but I still need to hear what you will say when I'd tell you that now when I'm not with you all I could think of what you'd be doing right then. Not that I'm creepy if I'm thinking that or am I? I don't know the social protocols here. But all I want to do is listen you & all of you shouting, screaming at me sometimes when you're angry but most of the times when we are making love.

Dude, I'm so way out of dreaming state. I'm on the border of psychotic break I think.

But then you already know that I'm a weirdo, right?
So, here I'm still thinking of you & hoping when I'll be back you'd be there telling me that you missed me too. If you didn't let me still think that you did. I wish you all smiles & happiness.

(To be contd..)

Monday, 17 February 2014

Normal Days #20

When I Look to the Sky

Moon & stars is my only companion right now, only souls in this whole world to whom I talk to, only souls who know the secret that I'm falling for you. Please don't blame 'em if they didn't tell you anything. I swore 'em to secrecy & neither did they tell me if you're talking to 'em or not about me. I hope you do. And being a hopeless romantic this is a dream I'm clinging on.

I knew this time it was going to be hard but nothing numbs my pain. I have to get myself together. I ain't reading, I ain't listening to songs, I am not even enjoying things I loved to do before. I know I shouldn't be feeling this empty, this hollow & I'm a way too optimistic person. Even I don't know how I am feeling. Is it confusing, well, NEWS FLASH I am usually confusing. Anyway, I hope you're safe out there & smiling that amazing smile of yours which I see reflected in stars & moon.

brooding at your thoughts
I saw sun coming up
another day of work,
another day of losing myself
& as the night descends
another dream where you're mine

The situation is even I don't know what am I feeling. But I already said that. I just want to be at home. Boy, I'm all over the place with this write today. Please God send me some sign she's thinking about me too. In the meanwhile I'll get my thoughts in a more coherent way.

(To be contd..)

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Normal Days #19

Somebody's Me

I'm back to my work place & this time it hurts a lil more, may be I've met an exceptional person in my life whom I'm missing a lot. This time the ache has been profound than ever before. I wish time would fly by & I'll be there again with her, making her smile, writing for her, or most of the times just be with her, listening to all things which she has to say.

I don't know what it would be like to hold her in my arms but I bet she's as delicate as Flower. May be I'm reading too much in b'ween the lines, maybe I'm nothing to her & she will forget all about me. I hope she smiles a lot & all her pain goes away. I don't want her to be anything but happy, content & blissfully radiant. This rotation on many fronts will be a testing one for me. I've to see through the financial matters as I'm planning to shift my base to the capital. I don't know what I'm even writing. Just to take my mind off her I thought this was the best technique. I'm fighting sleep as I didn't get much sleep last night though while I was flying for here I managed a lil nap but it seemed to have aggravated the problem of sleep rather helping it. I also know when I'll lie down to sleep it won't come easy. I long to hear her voice. But I know I can't call her & she can't call me.

I think this was the pain I was looking, this was the longing I was longing for. If only I'd my Twitter fix here.

Missing you.
Hope you're listening.

(To be contd..)

Friday, 7 February 2014


Here's for you coz you dream

I was gonna call you tonight
to tell you what was on my mind
somethings which were to be said
& I had it worked out right
& then it rained

I knew it's a dream
coz you were standing right there
looking more b'ful
than I'd thought
& that's when I decided to call
& then it rained

I knew you'd never pick up
it's 3 in the morning
you'd a rough week at work
but now let me say it
what I wanted all along
here's darling for you
a love song
& it's raining