Normal Days #87

 Flyers

 

I am stuck in Abu Dhabi now since Sept. 6th, 2020 and no idea when all the visa formalities will be concluded so that I could go home. It is really getting on my nerves but this is not what this write is about though. It is about my love for anime and the one which I am watching are just exceptional.

First I watched Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma and believe me the way it is portrayed it is just b'ful. I can understand why some of people might find it, umm, how to say it, typical anime show but once you get past that you will find all the emotions there and for me it has always been about that and it always will be about that. I am a heart break kid, I need that longing, that wistful thinking, the imagination where it all happens without the harsh realities. You know my craziness.

 Anyway..moving on..

 The thing is when I like something (be it a book, movie, show or a celebrity in that movie) I read everything about it / them, every single thing available on the web. The creator interviews, the actors' interviews, their IMDB profile, Wikipedia profile, magazine articles everything, even fandom pages (for books and authors and shows). So there I was reading about the Food Wars when I suddenly found a recommendation of a movie Kimi-no-na-wa (Your Name) and when the opening credit rolls there is this song, it is in Japanese but damn if it doesn't pull at the strings of your heart.

So here I am stuck b'ween nothingness and unknown time of frame and I find these pieces of beauty spread around. I do not know if it means anything to anyone but for me it is amazing and like Bryan Adams once sang

Well, I don't believe in miracles but that don't mean they don't come true
Well, I may not get to Heaven
But I get a little closer when I'm with you

So, no matter what I say & do always remember you are always with me even when I am the one who pushed you away and it will always be about love with me no matter what I say.

I find you amidst all the hardships going around with me & my life and I find you in places & songs and I find you in the brightest of stars and darkest of hours, I will always find you in my heart even when you are not with me right now.

 

Finding Miracles

(To be Contd..)

Normal Days #86

 Big Bad World

I thought whenever I would write next it would be a good write, the way I look at the world with them rose colored glasses and all and I even had some thoughts I had penned down and I could have shared those instead and no matter how much I try to hide from the fact that there is no place where I could go and ignore this harsh reality I had to witness today.

Someone on one of the social media app today shared some disturbing stuff with some kid involved and I am raging, I am furious and I am angry at myself that I can not do anything about it. I mean what kind of world we will leave behind us. Some people justify killing poor animals, I want to know are these people who do stuff like that to a kid are they human and if anyone needs to feel manly or strong or justifying how killing a buck is so useful please let me know how killing these creatures is not justified.

I can go on and on and on about all this stuff, but if there is anything I am scared of the most is finding myself in that corner of world where someone approaches me and ask me do you like 'em young, I have 6 years old to 15 years old girls & boys for your pleasure. I would gladly do violence to that person and damn be the consequences.

I do not take pride in killing some squirrels, deer, bucks, alligators, birds, I mean, c'mon who kills poor geese and ducks, but if I had to go down I'd go down taking some of these creatures who violate kids.

And this is my space I can abhor whomever I dislike. And especially these creeps.

Death in Fire

(To be Contd..)

Normal Days #85

My Slumbering Heart

You know I am a crazy guy. I always go back to the things I said I won't do. But, in my defense, who has not fallen into the hands of love over & over again.

And I also know I should not be writing about love after my last outburst here but I am noting but predictable and a hopeless romantic at that.

**eye roll**

Shoot me now!

Lyrics, it was the lyrics this damn time. I am at shutdown; in case you are wondering what that is I won't be wasting my breath to explain that here, just know I am busy. I do not even know when it is lunch time & when the day is suddenly over & amidst all this craziness is hopeless romantic me, listening to this song (no not the one I mentioned above, totally different song. But then why didn't I mention that song in my write? We have already established I tend to confuse people, haven't we? Why am I writing in brackets again?)

Phew!

So I was listening to this song, this sweet innocence of a feeling , this feeling when you actually can feel your heart swelling in your chest, I was having that moment of pure bliss and fervently hoping one of these days you'd be in my arms.

Somebody once very close to me told me I can not love anyone as I have this insane idea about love & how to be loved, this crazy thing no human can find within themselves to portray and trust me it was told in whole other level of contempt. And then I found you, so far and yet so close to me every time I draw a breath. Our own galaxy & space, our own world and realities and I, I am listening to you amidst all those lyrics.

You Sang to Me

(To be Contd..)

 

Normal Days #84

Junk Food Junkie

Whenever I eat broccoli I think I am eating oh, so healthy! And I mean I eat just a bud.

Wait! Do you call it a "bud", the only bud I love to eat is..ahem

Let's not make it dirty. I mean I do not know who reads my weirdness but can not gross those poor people out. But really, now I am intrigued what a lil piece of broccoli or cauliflower is called?

Let me know please.

And it all started while I was sipping water and wondering if I am drinking the right amount. There is so much pressure about the right amount or way of the things.

Right amount to drink water.

Right time to have dinner.

Right food to have for b'fast & lunch.

Right ways to make love.

I mean where is the spontaneity, where is the fire, where is the hunger (& I mean for food, not for body, though I like both in abundance).

Anyway, again, let's not make it dirty.

Why can we not uncomplicate our lives a lil, why can I not screw up, though I am perfect at that. The screw-ups, not perfect in doing the right things. So today I will have boiled vegetables & spinach (ewww) for dinner and will not even look at them again for a month or two and pretend I have done my bit towards helping myself to be healthy and cleanse my body of all toxins.

I believe in believing and also that when you believe things start to happen.

Abracadabra! 😉

Let's Eat Out

(To be Cont'd..)

Normal Days #83

House on Fire

 

Today I am on berserk mode. And not in excited way, the destroyer one. I am destroying the bridges I built for people. Not in the architectural sense, the metaphorical sense, like people pleasing bridges, when you allow certain latitude to let people walk all over you, those stupid bridges. I am burning them all down. And trust me it is a long process, I mostly have to depend on others' intelligence, for example, if they sense the destruction I am on and avoid me on their own or do I have to be the direct and my own true demonic self while hurting their delicate sentiments.

 

I was reading my older posts a few days ago and God I was a pathetic guy. I mean how delusional and out of focus one can be. And I used to feel so high and mighty about them too. Like they say I was wet behind my ears, too busy seeing the world through rose colored glasses, believing every one is good inside and all those crazy things. Now I cringe when I read all that I have written. But that was the purpose of it, to teach me wisdom later on. I know deep within my heart I will always be that pathetic self but I can try to cover it up, put my energy to good use after all. Make myself feel invincible of all those crazy emotions. The thing which brought this on actually, all this "reform", please do not blame it on me, blame it on universe.

 

It is true!

 

See this is where I am jogging right now, to burn those calories and to remain a lil upbeat amidst all this crazy COVID-19 lock-down situation.

 

Do you see all that sea spread around me while I run, who has that view in this world, who feels the smell of ocean mixed with oxygen while they run, who sees the miracles of nature every other day, who can be here and not feel invincible. Yes I am on top of the world. And this is how I will feel.. Infinite like horizon and you..you can pretend you have an awesome life. 

P.S. I think this is my first write without a single word of "love" in it. 

On Top of the World

(To be Cont'd..)

 

Normal Days #82

Straight From the Heart

You will mostly find Bryan Adams's songs in my write and do not worry this is not about one of his song I am obsessed with right now.

It is so much more, so much bigger.

Well as I am writing this I am imagining in my head how exaggerated it sounded what I wrote up there and how dramatic, and I can sense your eye roll from over here. But it is all about love. It has always been about love. Has anything I have ever written been about something else? (Is it wrong that I am turned on by the grammar of this sentence and FYI this sentence has its own story, that is for some other time though, other wise this whole write will be in the brackets, and no, no rolling of eyes at me. Damn I need to get out of this bracket thing).

Finally, huh?

Whenever I feel boxed in or thrown into a room with reality I try to fade away from there, leaving those scenarios and situations happening to me & I transport myself to you. I guess I still am thinking of you. There will always be certain triggers to take me there, some songs, some movies, some books where I find you. Wait, scratch that, not some, same. I always return to same songs, same movies, same books when I have to meet you away from everyone's prying eyes. And I wonder what it would be like to finally meet you after all these years and talk to you and have some conversation. Will we be polite, like how are you and I am fine, thank you type. In the calm, in the silence, when you are really alone, even amidst the crowd (that is my favorite thing to do by the way), do you ever remember me.

Well is it not the question for ages and there is no answer to it till now & I think I have to wait till kingdom comes. Whatever it is and how much I have to wait, it was the best heartbreak one could ask for. Shall I thank you for that? (And please do not take it as an opportunity to break my heart in a better way, yes it is for you darling.)

This time it is a regional language song I will post, may be you will relate to it.

Will you cross the skies for me

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #81

I'd Write a Letter

I do not even want to get into the discussion of how late I have been in writing a new post. I already explained how I am with confrontations.

**ahem** 
Anyway, the place I am right now, spiritually, I mean and before I move further with this write let me tell you that I rarely speak in physical terms. For me it is mostly spiritual, emotional presence that matters. I can be with you but I might as well be on Pluto and speaking of Pluto, it is my favorite planet and if you are going to tell me why I am being weird or crazy, well we will never be friends, acquaintances yes, and that too we will fade away like ambers do, you have to respect Pluto when you are with me. Coming back to my presence, right now whole world is still and it reminds me of The Weepies song, 'The World Spins Madly On'. 

The world has almost stopped spinning, once again in metaphorical term, everyone is under lockdown coz of COVID-19, or as cool people are calling it RONA. And I am on my Barge in middle of ocean watching dolphins swim for me and sun shining on to their fins.. No really I saw one dolphin today.

I am witnessing wonders of nature and thinking God I am so rusty. Make me magic. 

Love Potion #9

(To be Cont'd..)