One of the most amazing feelings I experienced today, in fact just now, gave me a slight hope and made me happy about myself. You know in today's world the most missed adventure is that we don't love ourselves. I know we say it a lot in our social media posts, we write and read about it almost every day but when we think about it, we usually either are very selfish or totally oblivious to what loving ownself means. I do not know if I love myself or not or the technicalities of the definitions set by the world of many things but I do know that I am a selfish person. A very selfish person.
No this is not one of my self-loathing posts. On the contrary today I wanted to share or tell my future self, that I still am a lil bit of human inside, not all corrupt or soulless or without morale as I project myself to others or they get the perception or whatever. I still read, though not as quite earnestly but I get by. Today when I was re-reading Without Words by Ms. Ellen O'Collenn I felt the same what I had felt when I read it the last time and it gave me hope, it gave me this feeling, a certain degree of happiness that yes I feel. I feel the pain for others, I feel this feeling of longing, the feeling to belong to someone, the feeling of loneliness and most importantly the feeling of letting go. I felt all of these feelings and before I become the person I am today, I wanted to save these dying pulses for forever so that when I would be so far along on the road of never coming back to the light again, I would know that once upon a time my heart wrenched and it was a very good feeling.
So, to my future self, read this when the world will point fingers at you and call you all kind of bad names and you go into the rabbit hole of self-hatred and rejoice in the fact that you are a very good person and those you love they can always count on you when it matters.
My Next Thirty Years
(To be Contd..)