Normal Days #51

Fix You

I don't know how to write this here. I've left this post in draft for 3 days, no clue from where to start or if I should start writing it for that matter. I'm doing it more as a therapeutic way to deal with the situations around me. I want to be honest about it and I could've but this isn't about me. I mean it is in a way that's why I'm writing it but I can only point out my flaws in front of everyone, not of ppl who matter in my life.

You can call it a venting kind of thing & this time I'm fixing myself as I've no one who will do that for me.

Melancholy and loneliness are the two things I'm getting familiar with now a days and trust me it is my choice all alone. I have no idea what I want. I just want to get lost in the nothingness. I'm waking up everyday, remembering all that was promised, all the sweet talks of the relationship, there is an ache in my heart, a constant jabbing, which I try to drown in work but whenever I've a lil moment it creeps upon me stealthily plunging the knife of betrayal a lil more deeper, making me wince, making me bleed. I thought it'd stop hurting after sometime  but boy was I wrong! Not a moment passes by when I do not think of every moment, every single second wondering what was the truth? What is the truth?

Is what I led to believe till this day is truth or what is happening now is the truth? The line is blurry, everything else is out of focus. The damn thing that I'm worried about is I'm not being able to read coz those novels destroyed me. I thought love was all about being in so much love that you forget your own self but practically if you do that ppl would walk all over you and blame you for that too.

Music is said to be ultimate reprieve, a safe haven but damn if it is not hard to listen to some songs even.

I'm taking it a day by day or rather I've divided my day into pieces as per my job breaks. One segment at a time.

Pray for me, coz I need too much love to survive. More than normal human being do, actually.

(To be Contd..)