Scattered Thoughts

Saturday, 10 October 2015

Normal Days #59

It Must Have Been Love

For a heartbreak kid like me, this should be an anthem. I love Roxette. They have this soulful music. The other band which soothes me like they do is Radiohead.

Be warned today the self depreciating humor and self loathing is right there, where I feel this hole in my chest, letting the fear cloud my senses. The fear of beginning of an end, fear of never be able to have love. Trust me , after scrutinizing myself through the lowest of standards has made me realize that there is no one to blame but me. I'm selfish, hypocrite, self-righteous asshole who always had his head up his ass. I could've done that without profanities but then it is for me. To come back here to read the declaration of my foolishness for my older self. I had been shown mirror a plenty of times. I've been ashamed, disgusted, horrified because of all my actions. I know I do this after every 1 or 2 posts, acting like I'm the sorriest person alive on this earth and pls go ahead judge me. I want you to coz I've come to realize that I deserve that.

One of the reason I'm like this, I was just told a couple of days ago. I'm like the way I'm coz I'd no family of my own. I don't understand the value of family. I've always been alone and I'll always be alone. There will be no one with me coz I do not want reality. I want to live in the world of lies, deceits, a world where there is nothing but the mirage of love. I'm forsaking the real love for imaginary one. I want and want but I never give anything in return. I've expectations but when it is my turn I've every lame excuse in the book. Life has so much to give to me and yet there is such hollowness in me.

 I want you to consume me, devour me so that there is nothing left, no doubt, no hurt, no fear. I'm scared. I'm scared that whatever we had is just withering away, we are losing each other or may be one day we'd be strangers under the skies. Love me, no matter what. I'll be whispering your name to skies. Save me.

Love Me Like You Do

(To be Contd..)

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