Scattered Thoughts

Thursday, 26 February 2015

Normal Days #41

Hate Me

Why don't I wish for a life filled with love? Why there's a doubt in my mind? I always say love like erasing yourself but then why I hold back myself, some part of me from being broken? Why don't I throw caution in the wind and let go of all the inhibitions?
May be I need to take a peek into my soul or may be there's something which will always haunt me. some ghosts never leave you, you just make friends with 'em and live like a haunted house, trapped, believing one day there'd be a miracle but when that miracle comes you're too afraid to let go of that ghost coz you're thinking you might lose this sense of belonging too, this friendship with your ghosts. So you shut the light out and laugh at the stupidity of the notion of some miracle along with your ghosts but secretly wishing that door would open and someone will hug you so fiercely and let you cry, sobs and all and won't hit you or push you away when you'd be insecure and cling on to 'em like lifeline. But then you'd get a tap on your shoulder from one of your ghosts and you'd smile and go back like the things were.
At night before you fall asleep you dream of some face you'd long forgotten, some memory you can't take out in the light of the day and you cry, silently feeling so broken that you know you can fix yourself but you can't, and you hurt yourself more, you hurt ppl around you. When they leave you, you scream from inside but your ghosts are too loud and too busy making you laugh at that. The dust settles, there's no one but you, alone in this world, fighting, laughing with ppl you know and they don't have any idea what is there inside you.

Polish yourself and smile bright you douchebag, nobody loves you.
(To be Contd..)

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