Normal Days #14

Tonight we have the stars

One more year is about to end & I can't help but look back to cherish what I've found this year, what I've gained & what I've lost. It is not like some balance sheet or some random inventory checklist, it is just I feel like in all of this year 365 days what are the most b'ful things for which I'm thankful to God.

Like always, first of all I've to thank for my very b'ful friend who's always there for me. Well, she hates to reply my messages but yeah I hope she can mark this is as resolution for her in coming year, To reply Vishal asap, always. Not that I'm complaining but I sure don't wanna change a thing about her. She's just very very wonderful girl.

Thanks Mohur :-)

Second I want to thank my mums for always being there for me. This year has been very good regarding many things. I've got a good job, for the first time I went abroad, all because of my own, I'm earning good money, it all feel surreal whenever I lay in my bed & think about it. I never imagined that I can be here in offshore working for one of the biggest companies in the world. I'm not an engineer (Physics Hons. Graduate, to be very precise) hence my being in offshore is really a blessing. But above all, the happiest thing is that my mums is happy. I see her smiling & I know God is somewhere happy with me.

Thank you God for all that love.

Third I want to thank a very good friend of mine who is miles away but is still close to my heart. She is very amazing & smart & one of the strongest girls I've ever had a chance to know. Take Care my Peanut. You're always in my prayers.

I can go on & on what this year has brought to me & I can still never thank enough to almighty for all the happiness. I hope all you ppl out there have a rocking year ahead too.

Love all
Keep Smiling
God Bless :)

(To be contd..)

Dying

I'm killing myself
everyday
to stay alive
fighting myself
to breathe
before drowning
into oblivion
& forget
everything
which keeps the blood running
in my veins

I'm shunning my dreams
& living in reality
like my own obituary
where I die
daily
to smile
& pretend
that I'm OK
& everything's fine

so when I'm not there
to listen
or to hold you
just imagine
that when I remember you
I only smile
& that's the only dream
I won't let go
even as I'm dying

Disintegrate

I cut myself
to feel the pain
to ease away the numbness
to feel something
other than this ache
which I've in my heart
& I trace my scars
the angry pink
mismatched
& jarred
I want to rip myself apart
to see if stops everything
the world around me
finally engulfs me
into ecstacy
as I bleed
& see my life slipping away
taking every memory
as I fade
become nothing
& disintegrate

Effect

One night stands
& I still can't get you out of my head

many strings of women
yet no one makes love like we had

What you do to me
I'm sure no one could ever have

The same effect
which beats my heart

The same effect
which tells me you'll always be my part

I can't recereate
any of the things
all of our past

I wake up to a new face
everyday
some arms around me
but none of them have the warmth
the same effect
which beats my heart
& one day I might let go
of everything
of our future
& our past.

Normal Days #13

Here I am

Yesterday I was walking on Zakum West Platform towards GG 2 gas station, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, well it serves my purpose, I'm known to confuse ppl, remember?
Anyway, as I was taking a walk I saw the sea waves catching upto 10ft of heihgt and it was mesmerizing in its own kind of way. I don't know what I enjoy most here, the complexity of Oil & Gas Industry or the every face of nature? Actually I know, it is the nature taking its own course sometimes silent like my pleas and sometimes roaring like my dreams where I dream of you. I love being alone here amidst the vastness of everything, amidst the hollow of skies, between the crushing sound of machines & rumbling of sea and sometimes if I'm lucky I hear the cries of seagulls also.

May be this is the reason I love being here too much. I want to be away from everyone and the niceties of society. I'm not much of a people's person. I avoid interaction on any social level and when I'm here it seems good to have this excuse that I'm not available because of the job I'm in. I know it is cowardice & hiding away is not good but who said I'm here to do good and be a good boy. The anonymity which this industry, this job has provided me feels wonderful every time I'm here. Sure when I leave home I get a lil nostalgic and miss it for a few days but once when I settle in it feels good to have this option where nobody gives a damn about you & you're kind of invisible.

Don't think I'm a sociopath or anything or go ahead think whatever you may like it doesn't matter. I'm good in the world which I have created for myself & please don't lecture me about the reality & all that I'm missing because I live in dreams. I don't like reality anyway. It's way too much for me & for the dreams which I see. I'm bored now & I think something is wrong with me. I don't feel like writing anymore when I'm in front of the screen but when I'm about to sleep or roaming aimlessly. I don't know what's wrong may be it is because opf winters & my mind has gone into hibernation mode. I like to think it is hibernation. It is cool, right?

Too much of weirdness I think. Well, see you later.
Merry Christmas & A Prosperous New Year in case I didn't turn up by that time.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #12

Back to you

For quite a time now I've been acting insane & not in a good way, wait, that doesn't come out right; what I meant was I'm taking everything for granted now a days. I was not social before but now a days I'm acting hostile. I don't go well along with anyone, I speak harshly to everyone & I'm acting like a real ass.

So I was wondering why am I acting like such an asshole? Apparently there's no reason for that save the line between pride & being a jerk is getting blurry for me. I don't give a damn for anything which is a gift for me from God. Even writing this down I'm feeling like a hypocrite. Many of my friends have advised me to mind my attitude. I'm losing my temper very easily right now. I had problems like that before too but now a days I'm acting all almighty & superpower. Something is wrong with me & to figure it out I think the best thing would be to hide away like I always do. This is time for a new approach though. I'll act responsible & mature and will think before I say anything. This will make me to have lesser argument from human population.

Well I can always hope I can do that irrespective of the stupidity of the population in question.
Let's see how this goes.

(To be contd..)

Lost

I'm lost

find me a way

to get out of me

where there is you

only you

which prevails

even in me

I'm not good with myself

but you're always better

you always smiled

even when I was bitter

just hold me in your arms

as I'm losing myself

again
to me