Scattered Thoughts

Well, this will be a lil strange for all the normal people out there. I hope there are some of my kinds who will find it natural (in case if someone ever reads it). Sometimes I wonder why I got back to blogging when I can't continue it. Well, the answer is, I don't need blog to convey my thoughts. I have enough friends (well, maybe they are imaginary but hey, those count) to talk to and one a very b'ful real friend who always listens to me or at least pretends to. No offence, my guiding light. But that's the beauty right, she will never know I'm writing about her. I always tell her many things about me, I want to listen to her too but I can't pry much.


And just for the record I'm still struggling to write, not that I was a writer or something to begin with, but yeah, I used to write sometime or other. I know this is my place where I can write about my weirdness which I can't tell her even. So, here I go. I hope you've already noticed the erratic scattering of my thoughts. I started with something, hopped on to the entire different subject then and again to something other entirely. This is how I'm. Erratic, confused and the rest of me I think I'll keep figuring on.


So, my first of all wish is to know what I want. And in case you are wondering ( I hope one day if somebody reads it will wonder) no I'm not a hormonal teenager. I'm full grown, in job guy. Then it brings us back to the situation why am I confused? Am I craving for someone to talk to about my situation? Do I need a shrink to collect my thoughts? What the hell am I writing?


See? You sense the problem. I don't even know what I want from myself.

Sometimes it gets worse. I want one alter ego for myself but I'm too busy listening to the voices in my head. I don't think they can handle one more me and a tad more confusing personality. I know I'm not making any sense whatsoever. The plus point about this rambling is that no one will read it. I can write what I want. Sometimes I want to lay down and listen to nothing, I want to feel vacuum. Sometimes I want to feel heartache, like when I know air is sucked out of my system, where I want to die but my mind tells me otherwise hence I die over & over again but manage to stay alive. And, again, no, I'm also not a sadist.


These are just some random thoughts in my mind which normal people would find insane & hence the place where no one else would read them. And most of the times I want to love. I want to give my heart to one person & it doesn't matter if she breaks it, throws it away, laughs at me at the offer of offering my useless, worthless heart or if she keeps it for a while plays with it then breaks it, throws it away, get bore you know the deal, lather, rinse, repeat. But all this time while she would be busy doing all those things I'd be looking at her and making all the time worth it. I'll love her with all I have. My favorite lines in this entire world, the lines I never want to forget, the lines I believe in so much


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


I'll love her as I, like I love, love. I know people in my thoughts disagree with my idea of being so gentle and all philosophical but still I somehow believe in myself that much. Other than that I'm still me, with all the voices in my head, still the guy who runs away from all the confrontations, who hides from reality every now & then and find peace in the dreams which are too colorful to be trusted with normal living people. I hope no one reads it but it doesn't matter because those who care won't mind me getting more weird & those who don't well, sometimes I also don't care about myself, so welcome aboard ppl. :)


Confusing, eh?

That's what I do.