Normal Days #83

House on Fire

 

Today I am on berserk mode. And not in excited way, the destroyer one. I am destroying the bridges I built for people. Not in the architectural sense, the metaphorical sense, like people pleasing bridges, when you allow certain latitude to let people walk all over you, those stupid bridges. I am burning them all down. And trust me it is a long process, I mostly have to depend on others' intelligence, for example, if they sense the destruction I am on and avoid me on their own or do I have to be the direct and my own true demonic self while hurting their delicate sentiments.

 

I was reading my older posts a few days ago and God I was a pathetic guy. I mean how delusional and out of focus one can be. And I used to feel so high and mighty about them too. Like they say I was wet behind my ears, too busy seeing the world through rose colored glasses, believing every one is good inside and all those crazy things. Now I cringe when I read all that I have written. But that was the purpose of it, to teach me wisdom later on. I know deep within my heart I will always be that pathetic self but I can try to cover it up, put my energy to good use after all. Make myself feel invincible of all those crazy emotions. The thing which brought this on actually, all this "reform", please do not blame it on me, blame it on universe.

 

It is true!

 

See this is where I am jogging right now, to burn those calories and to remain a lil upbeat amidst all this crazy COVID-19 lock-down situation.

 

Do you see all that sea spread around me while I run, who has that view in this world, who feels the smell of ocean mixed with oxygen while they run, who sees the miracles of nature every other day, who can be here and not feel invincible. Yes I am on top of the world. And this is how I will feel.. Infinite like horizon and you..you can pretend you have an awesome life. 

P.S. I think this is my first write without a single word of "love" in it. 

On Top of the World

(To be Cont'd..)

 

Normal Days #82

Straight From the Heart

You will mostly find Bryan Adams's songs in my write and do not worry this is not about one of his song I am obsessed with right now.

It is so much more, so much bigger.

Well as I am writing this I am imagining in my head how exaggerated it sounded what I wrote up there and how dramatic, and I can sense your eye roll from over here. But it is all about love. It has always been about love. Has anything I have ever written been about something else? (Is it wrong that I am turned on by the grammar of this sentence and FYI this sentence has its own story, that is for some other time though, other wise this whole write will be in the brackets, and no, no rolling of eyes at me. Damn I need to get out of this bracket thing).

Finally, huh?

Whenever I feel boxed in or thrown into a room with reality I try to fade away from there, leaving those scenarios and situations happening to me & I transport myself to you. I guess I still am thinking of you. There will always be certain triggers to take me there, some songs, some movies, some books where I find you. Wait, scratch that, not some, same. I always return to same songs, same movies, same books when I have to meet you away from everyone's prying eyes. And I wonder what it would be like to finally meet you after all these years and talk to you and have some conversation. Will we be polite, like how are you and I am fine, thank you type. In the calm, in the silence, when you are really alone, even amidst the crowd (that is my favorite thing to do by the way), do you ever remember me.

Well is it not the question for ages and there is no answer to it till now & I think I have to wait till kingdom comes. Whatever it is and how much I have to wait, it was the best heartbreak one could ask for. Shall I thank you for that? (And please do not take it as an opportunity to break my heart in a better way, yes it is for you darling.)

This time it is a regional language song I will post, may be you will relate to it.

Will you cross the skies for me

(To be contd..)