Normal Days #92

  Let me drown

I should not read books.

I should not read books.

I should not read books.

I should not read books.

This is the mantra I will be reciting from now on. I will not read books.

Ok I will, I will always read books, I just won't read the books where I know what is going to happen, where I know the girl will die and there will be nothing but pain, there will be nothing but ache and hollowness in my heart.

For a guy who goes and looks around for the pain and heartbreak I sure crumble like paper when that happens. For all the big talks I do about heartbreaks and being a masochist, it does hurt me like a truck crashing and yet I will always crave for it, for that feeling of pain imploding in and making me miss you even more, to yearn for your little more, to crave you lil more to love you lil more. And no matter what we have learnt about all the stuff life throws at us and all the quotes about always live in the moment, we humans are always driven by our egos and the heavens laugh every time we learn a lesson but, we never learn. We take everything for granted until it is snatched away from us and no matter what anyone says "Karma is a b***." There! I used profanity, this book, this wretched book has me in pieces and I loathe myself for reading it. I loathe myself for went looking for it, I loathe myself for not listening to my mind to not go further into it, I loathe myself for reading it in a public place and I loathe myself for still letting these things to get to me.

I mean I don't understand why can not I be practical like every other person out there? Why I have to read books like that, I mean it is not like there are not other books to read and other genres to explore and yet here I am like a broken record, reading the same stupid books, same stupid heartbreaks, missing you like same stupid guy, wishing upon starts like some stupid person and then going again in search for another same stupid book. I mean why do not I grow up? Why?

So, here I am same stupid self. Refusing to let go, refusing to grow up to be a practical person and never ever, ever be the person who will not help someone who is in pain. And I know a heartache when I see one. Kindred spirit and all.

**laughs humorlessly** 

(To be Contd..)

Elastic Hearts