Normal Days #92

  Let me drown

I should not read books.

I should not read books.

I should not read books.

I should not read books.

This is the mantra I will be reciting from now on. I will not read books.

Ok I will, I will always read books, I just won't read the books where I know what is going to happen, where I know the girl will die and there will be nothing but pain, there will be nothing but ache and hollowness in my heart.

For a guy who goes and looks around for the pain and heartbreak I sure crumble like paper when that happens. For all the big talks I do about heartbreaks and being a masochist, it does hurt me like a truck crashing and yet I will always crave for it, for that feeling of pain imploding in and making me miss you even more, to yearn for your little more, to crave you lil more to love you lil more. And no matter what we have learnt about all the stuff life throws at us and all the quotes about always live in the moment, we humans are always driven by our egos and the heavens laugh every time we learn a lesson but, we never learn. We take everything for granted until it is snatched away from us and no matter what anyone says "Karma is a b***." There! I used profanity, this book, this wretched book has me in pieces and I loathe myself for reading it. I loathe myself for went looking for it, I loathe myself for not listening to my mind to not go further into it, I loathe myself for reading it in a public place and I loathe myself for still letting these things to get to me.

I mean I don't understand why can not I be practical like every other person out there? Why I have to read books like that, I mean it is not like there are not other books to read and other genres to explore and yet here I am like a broken record, reading the same stupid books, same stupid heartbreaks, missing you like same stupid guy, wishing upon starts like some stupid person and then going again in search for another same stupid book. I mean why do not I grow up? Why?

So, here I am same stupid self. Refusing to let go, refusing to grow up to be a practical person and never ever, ever be the person who will not help someone who is in pain. And I know a heartache when I see one. Kindred spirit and all.

**laughs humorlessly** 

(To be Contd..)

Elastic Hearts

Normal Days #91

 Keep It a Secret

There are certain things I won’t and I don’t share with the world. I know, I know what you’d say and no they are not the materialistic or tangible things. They are the things you just can’t give to any or every other person you meet, they are things which are sacred, one you must take to your grave if you don’t find the person worthy of sharing. No shame in that, to have yourself that vulnerable, that kid like energy in you like you’re buzzing with excitement and other person just don’t feel it there with you, that is just heartbreaking. And as much I am up for a heartbreak I am not up for that kind of heartbreak ever. Hence the not sharing of certain things ever.

May be I should share these with the person as soon as I meet 'em, kind of a test if we will be compatible or not coz once we are deep down and I share these and then if they don't like it it'd be a worse kind of pain. Again, masochist in me appreciates the pain but not this kind. I love certain music, certain books (no I love all books, except self-help crap), certain thoughts and to give 'em away freely and to everyone, no can't do that.

Oh the other materialistic things they can take away all, all my money, my house, my cars, everything, I don't care about those.

No, wait, I care about my e-book reader, can't live without it. So other than all the intangible things & my e-book reader, you can have it all and everything else I will never share with random ppl out there. These are like best things that have happened to me. And I am thankful to universe I have not shared these with ANYONE, yet. I have come close, God knows I wear my heart on my sleeve but thanks to universe I never went through.

So for all the bad I do and say about me there is this part of me I have not and I will not share with anyone until I find you. So come find me and let me feel you magic.

(To be Contd..)

Helpless When She Smiles