Disintegrate

I cut myself
to feel the pain
to ease away the numbness
to feel something
other than this ache
which I've in my heart
& I trace my scars
the angry pink
mismatched
& jarred
I want to rip myself apart
to see if stops everything
the world around me
finally engulfs me
into ecstacy
as I bleed
& see my life slipping away
taking every memory
as I fade
become nothing
& disintegrate