Metamorphing by Kunal Pancholi

About the Book



28THAPRIL, 2000: Flight No. 9x4876 bound to Srinagar has crash landed into the Everest Base camp. Unconfirmed reports suggest that the flight mysteriously went off the radar for few minutes and missed its landing. All passengers are feared dead… except for three bodies that are yet to be recovered.

8THDECEMBER, 2050:This, without doubt is the most gruesome murder in recent times. Early this morning, an unidentified woman was found mutilated at the western gates of the abandoned Victoria Terminus Station in Mumbai. Authorities report her head was … well … semi-decapitated and she was drained of all her blood. The shocking part - the crime scene was devoid of any signs of blood spatter…

ROHAN: He was shorter than the shortest girl in school; he had to be ahead in the game!

RUDRA:A man without a past, coaxed into a murder investigation; will he ever grasp the true nature of the crime?

A thrilling tale about two men bound by an untraceable yet undeniable fate - One running away from his past, another unaware of his own.

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Lesser Known Facts About the Book:

- There is a very strong / intense story of love that is present throughout the book.

- 'Metamorphing' as such is not a real word, rather not a word that is used in the sense that it is supposed to mean (Metamorphosing). I had to spell it out to all publishers while making my submission for the book that I am aware of this fact and I was only playing with words. Was worried that I could get rejected at the mention / sight of the name of the book itself!

- A sneak peek into the college life of a student of Criminology - Learning the ropes of detection, deduction and crime scene investigation.

- There is a Vampire in the book!

- As of now its a trilogy with two parts.

- At one point in time, one part of the book was supposed to be based in the 1900s.

 

Author’s Profile

Kunal Pancholi graduated from SRCC Delhi in 2001. He completed his MBA from NMIMS Mumbai in 2006. Previously, in his professional career he has worked with banks, co-founded READO - an audio book publishing company and done a marketing stint with a film production company in Mumbai. Currently he heads Sales & Marketing at a technology start-up. He lives in Chennai with his wife, parents, sister and grand-mom.









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Normal Days #29

I'm in Love with a Girl

Right now I've no idea how am I feeling? I'm suddenly drained of energy, motivation & all the god things. May be I need to go out & watch the majestic Persian Gulf for sometime. Thank God for some supply vessel which stop by for provision & materials I get to go out on deck otherwise I'd never see the deck or platform.

& like many lost days I still have no idea what am I saying. I'm just missing someone very close to my heart. She's like moon, for whom I can only wish for never reach out & touch. I see her shining in my heart & lighting up the darkest corner of my hearts, almost making me believe in myself & my love. Almost. But then I know me very well, I'm known to screw everything up whether or not I'd want to, it just happens. Feels like I'm jinxed or something. But I've already shared all those sorry tales so many a times, even I'm bored of myself.

Good thing is, I can be my moronic self here. I need some inspiration, I need you to set me on fire so that I can write through my words, just for me hidden away in some sanctuary of my mind to let you know that for me you're the most b'ful girl. I will love you like no one has loved you, like I've never loved anyone before.

Let me paint skies for you

& may be it is all a dream,
lay down with me
look at the stars
& tell me if you see
your reflection
& my love shining
for you
in the nights & whole day

& let me dream that it is true.

(To be contd..)

Scars

I've been reading books & I've few great friends here at www.goodreads.com who always inspire me to find love which seems surreal. Right now I'm reading a book which inspired this write. I know I'm good at nothing, I am always struggling, with words, with emotions, with ppl. I'm in constant fear that someday you'll realize I'm husk of a man & you'll leave me for one who's worthy of your love. But in my heart I'll keep loving you like I always do. I've scars baby & they run deep, keep away from me I'm not the man you think I'm.

So here it goes, the good thing is unlike me, the guy in the book is loved. Hope someday you'll love me too. Or not..

Baby I've scars
that run too deep
you'll be scared
if I bare my soul to you
I'm going to keep you away
from my demons & me

But then,
if you love me enough
may be they will leave me alone
& I'll sleep one night
without nightmares
with dreams of you
with me

Or not..
coz baby I've scars
that run too deep
you'll be scared
of my demons & me

See here,
this heart
it is falling hard for you
I may keep you away
but love still flows through
I'm known to give up
'Till when you'll fight
to not give upon me

coz baby
I've scars
that run too deep
you'll be scared
of my demons & me..

Normal Days #28

I Remember You

The memories always have a funny way to bring you on your knees & leave you at your most vulnerable. It has been a year & a month when I left India to work in Arabian gulf for ADMA-OPCO offshore division & when I look back I feel a lil content but I know it is not what I see myself doing in a long run. Granted, the beauty here is good & love is spread all around me & I'm working in oilfield where normal population can't come, it gives my pride necessary boost & I never cease an opportunity to gloat about it either. I know it sound shallow but as I'm the same so it doesn't matter. I've heard worse.

I've met exceptional ppl & like always it always hurts when we depart. Our platform's safety engineer left for a new location & he's a kind of man I admire. I'm not ppl friendly & the sentiment is reciprocated by most of the ppl around me but still there are few ppl whom I admire a lot & he's one of those.

I wish him all the best & may he get back to our barge soon coz I'm a selfish guy & I need what lil friendly faces I can have around me.

(To be Contd..)

Normal Days #27

Have Love Will Travel

This time I'm exhausted, the work is hectic & it takes my mind off you. Some part of me wants to forget everything because it is better to give up on everything, every dream & every expectations then watch them falling apart. But no matter how hard I want to try I can't give upon hopes. I don't want my mind off you. I don't want to miss the pain. I don't want to miss the feeling of loneliness. Work will always be there but given a chance I'd rather bury myself with words spilled over books taking me away to you than boring my eyes in useless technical data.

I don't know what I'm writing. I'm at a loss & suddenly devoid of feelings. I'm feeling scared though, I think in the long run I'll lose you. My job profile & the distance is always going to ruin things up not to mention I've to fight myself too as I'm a colossal fuck-up but no matter what I'm not going to give up on my dreams. I'm too screwed up to think something good is waiting for me. I am always looking for some shoe to drop & just like that you'll be gone from my life.

And the place I'm at doesn't help a bit. So many love stories spread around me ocean yearning for horizon, moon spilling over ocean, sun shining down on sea whole day. What I'm supposed to do ignore everything & all these b'ful love stories? I'd live in dreams than reality where there's no place for these emotions, where I've to be practical & act professional.

What if being in constant state of dream is my profession? But I know given my trait I'd give upon dreams also.

Was it a confusing write? Well I'm all over the place anyway.
May be tomorrow is a better day.

(To be Contd..)

Normal Days #26

Back to you


Here I'm again, amidst the vast ocean, crashing waves, rising sun, glowing moon & thoughts of you, only you. I don't know why but when I'm here & like you said "in middle of nowhere" I feel you closer to me. May be this idea I've in my head where you'll love me someday is not far fetched here where I see ocan waving around in search of love too. I feel his restlessness & unease. I know it may seem endless to most of the ppl but when he looks out for his love he knows no matter how magnificent others think of him he's still lost & may be that's why he keeps crashing around.

And his lover, horizon, well she's endless too & no matter how many times I say it but their love story is all b'ful. It amazes me everytime. I know my love for you is the same. You're like a horizon one which is out of my reach every single time. No matter how hard I try but there are many more guys out there better than me, worth than me & who am I, I'm no one.

But then I wish & wish for us to be altogether & wish with all my heart & suddenly I'm the ocean with vastness & yet empty without you. I yearn fro you in moonlight & burn without your touch when sun is up. I dream that you're thinking me of too. But then it is a wistful thinking. I know I'm not even worht your memory but a guy can dream, right? I just hope that my dreams are not shattered by reality once I get back home.

Let me dream a lil more, yeah?

Memories

There is always something about her, she always made me to dream big and maybe that's the reason I still love to dream. So, here's to you darling and for the memories we created.

She painted my heart,
With the red of her lips,
Making it permanent through my skin,
On to my heart beats.
Saying, "I want world to know I live here."
I held her close,
so close
our hearts were beating together,
with the same pace,
slow,
slow,
and then getting on fire,
I let her show me I'm hers,
She let me find me in her,
I searched for love in her eyes,
It was all in there, infinite
eternal,
Her eyes had everything for me,
I knew I will never let her go.

Tonight, amidst these celestial bodies,
I feel like sky,
vast, infinite, with so much of people around me,
yet alone, like infinity more so ever.
She left me next day,
what she doesn't know
the mark of her lips are still impressed on my heart,

she didn't take 'em away.

Normal Days #25

I don't Wanna Miss A Thing

Today is Holi, a festival of colors, which I used to play enthutsiastically when I was a kid & today I'm here millions of miles away, with ppl who don't even know what this festival even mean. I'm feeling homesick. It has been almost 5 years since I was at home for this festival. I'm always away from home for all big festivals. Last year also I missed Holi along with Deepawali, in case you're wondering what these are, please just google 'em. I'm not in mood to explain.

So, I'm here at Arabian Gulf, in Zakum Field (as per ADMA-OPCO oil fields division) missing all the holidays, feeling nostalgic & in morning my mums calls to wish me the festivities & says she misses me. What am I supposed to do other than think if it is worth all of the separation? Then I go out, see the sea getting rough, the blue color of the ocean suddenly turning green & as I look out from my window I see WHT (Well Head Tower) & across it waves playing catch up with each other, then I sigh & feel a lil content that there's nothing better than this. I'm at the place where only a few guys can be. I'm working in Oil & Gas industry, I'm in the middle of ocean, amongst vast horizons & then I know 9-5 isn't for me.

I mean where else I can feel the ocean winds along with guys around me talking about the shutdown of current oil tower we are at. I mean it is not like I don't like other jobs, I do but I'm here, amongst all the awesomeness nature can shower upon me. The only thing I regret is I can't take pics. I wish I could share with whole world how amazing this world is but coz of some stupid offshore policy we aren't allowed to carry even a smartphone. Go figure!

Anyway, this holiday season when I'm missing my mums & festival of colors I'm grateful that I'm here basking in changing colors of skies & oceans & for the time being enjoying Holi as nature plays it.

I wish I could show you how I feel. May be one day when I'll buy an oil well I'll bring my friends & my mums over here then only they can imagine what I meant all along. Sometimes, you just have to experience on your own.

(To be contd..)

Becoming Nothing Again

There are times when you think you are going to make it but then as luck have it you do something and it all come crashing down, all what you've created, all what you've thought & all what you could've become. When you unintentionally do or say something & end up failing I think that shouldn't be a problem, you can't take blame for everything.

I don't know why but right now I'm taking blame for every catastrophe that's happening around world. And also for what we had but as always I'm jinxed and blew it up. May be when you are indifferent toward me then only it is alright. May be when we are strangers again then only you can smile.

If it is this way it is going to be then I'll go, I'm known to give up always, anyway.

So, here's to what we could've had but we didn't & I know no one's to blame but me..

Take me prisoner
chain my heart
leaving at your doorsteps
memories & some laughs
& whispers of promises
of all that we would've become
but we didn't
coz I dream too much
& you're always living in reality
I give up on everything
too easily
& burden on your shoulders gets too heavy
we are becoming nothing again

we don't talk much anymore
I feel you slipping away
I hold on too tight
& yet you're like sand
falling free
what's remain with me
in my heart
& hands
are memories
some laughs
& whispers of promises
& all that we would've become
but we didn't
we are becoming nothing again..

Normal Days #24

To Whom It May Concern

**NOTICE**

I was pressurised to write this

I wasn't about to come out from my self-imposed exile to write more. There are many reasons for that, first of all, I was feeling lazy. I've been doing extensive reading lately. So most of my thoughts, I am writing on my Goodreads portal. I'm up till ungodly hours to read books & escape from everyone & everything else. But then one day when I was on platform surveying the next supply vessel my Safety Engineer came to me & said, "what happened Vishal, why aren't you updating your blog now?" Let me tell you there were many other things which were said after that sentence but in a humorous way. It was good to know that there's someone who waits for my entry no matter how absurd they are. I mean my writings, not the person.

And need I mention that safety is a big issue in Oil & Gas industry as we are always working with many life prone hazards like H2S leak, turbulent weather, some accidents which can take place while some job is going on so we take these safety issues very seriously. I wrote this basically to, you know, impress if some b'ful girl reads this & want to save me when I come home during vacations.

But on a serious note, yeah we are prone to some dangers & we comply by safety rules here. Even then the beauty of this vast ocean never ceases to amaze me every time I go out at platform for some job. Anyway, so here I'm writing & missing the girl I left behind when I took that step for this job. I don't think Newton would ever have imagined his 3rd law of motion will come handy in personal issues of general population. But hey, there's always an equal & opposite reaction for your action. I'm living mine, daily. Every time I think of her wind get knocked out of my lungs & I feel like going hollow inside. I recover & move on, don't ask me how, even I don't know how I manage to breathe.

And I've assholes to deal with here too. So, I get along fine with memories.

Safety is life after all :)

And I don't know why I'm writing all these random stuff where nothing is in coherence with other but it feels good to write again. May be I'm mourning over the loss of one of my writes a few weeks ago. It was on some tissue paper & I've not been able to find it. May be I'll write something else.

(To be contd..)

Eternity

And I dream again, of all the times & I dream of your hand in mine, our eyes locked and many more things which we do. Let me just say, I'll be happy to do 'em to you when we will meet someday. For the time being let me write to you about the time when we will go on our second date (yes, it is a dream too.)

So baby wear the pretty dress, or PJs I don't mind you look phenomenal to me & tonight I don't think you'll be wearing 'em longer than necessary. Or we can take a raincheck on date & create a storm of our own where I get drench in your love & you drip wet in mine. (But sweetheart we already established I'm a pervert, right :P) Hey, don't worry darling we will go out, you wanna know what we did ;)

Here it is

Let me take your hand
as we leave your place
wrap my pinkie around yours
a solemn promise
with no words
coz they aren't necessary
& yet it feels like
you have known what was said

Let me smile,
& in those warm eyes
find your smile too

Let just talk
not with words
but hands, tongues, kisses & moans

Let's break the 3 dates rules
or whatever there are more
what scares you to dive in
deep with me
coz I know Flower
it's me & you
we are for ETERNITY

Damn, I didn't mention the restaurant this time too. I guess food is not my priority when I have you with me. I'm hungry now, may I eat you up :D
What! I'm a gentleman, I ask for permission.

Normal Days #23

Zombie

It has been 48 hours since I slept last & still I have to work 8 hours more before I hit the bed. I'm on autopilot & I don't even know what I'm writing. It is just I'm reading & reading & reading books & loving every word of it. & to top that today I had a lot of work do, not even a minute to breathe that's when I decide I should write all of this in case I kill someone I have some case of sanity issues to plead, covering all my bases. The only upside to today's day is weather is awesome. There is this haze, kind of foggy so no sun hence the day is on a cooler side.

I have written lot of stuff but I ain't gotta time to write it down, I'll do it given my laziness and all.

I don't understand why ppl have to come & talk to me about the stuff I don't give a damn about. I'm not in mood any day but today I'm beyond pissed. I'm looking for someone to entice me to tear something / someone apart. It is not like that I'm a violent kind of guy I'm just too agitated & volatile now. Just 60 hrs without sleep and I've my panties in a bunch. God I don't even know what I am doing. Writing & writing & writing stuff which I won't remember the next day.

I need to sleep tonight, a good 8-10 hrs of sleep but I know as soon as I hit the bed all of this queasiness will go & I'll be up again to finish another book. It is better than any other addiction in world though.

I think I should stop while I have some wake up cell in my brains.

Just 7 hrs & 50 minutes to go.

(To be contd..)

Our Date

I hope you're doing great & you're happy because no matter where I'm it always matters to me that you're out there & feeling safe. I wrote this for you a few minutes ago, where I'm asking you out & you've agreed to go on a date with me ( I know, it is a surprise for me too but in my dream you agreed so, I've taken the liberty to think of it as real. Yes, I'm weird that way).

Anyway, needn't to mention I'm ecstatic beyond measure & I might act like stupid (well, stupid might be putting it lightly, let's just say paranoid. OK, please tell me I'm not scaring you. See! This is the stuff I was talking about. I'm ecstatic!).

So this is what I wrote, hope you won't think me as a nutcase. :) I'm happy, so you can think whatever you like, you agreed to go on a date with me what else can matter in this world to me :D

I'll be writing more about our dates but this is the first one, hope you like it :)

Let me ask you out
on a date
I'd pick you up
at your place
you all dressed up
a lil nervous
like me (OK maybe I'm more than just a 'lil' nervous)
& let me spend
the entire time
looking in those eyes

When you open the door
looking b'ful
more than I could ever have thought
you smile shyly
is it OK to fall in love
there & then
even when we haven't said a word

Let me whisper
"you look breathtakingly b'ful"
& I also like the way you blush
it is blissful

Let me take your hand
& hold it in mine
all the while
you think of many things
& butterflies in your stomach
like I've in mine

Let me take you
not in a fancy restaurant
but under the sky
where we can have
moon & stars
our partners in crime
& let me show 'em
it was true
your eyes shine brighter
than all of 'em combine

You laugh
when I mock 'em
& ask me to stop making fun of 'em
"Moon are you jealous now
she's mine"
& I tell you again & again
how lucky I'm
& I hold your face
in my palms
& those eyes
make me believe
I haven't yet died
Kiss me
& make me believe
this is Heaven
& we are flying

Let Me Fade

So, I'm here again, not feeling anything, may be a lil scared though, of all the happiness which I'm dreaming of. Strange, how even dreams of happiness scare me. Anyway, it is not like I'm retarted or something, always depreciating my self worth. Or maybe I'm, I don't know what to think of myself as I sink lower into the pit of self pity. Somedays are good, somedays are better but it is when I look back & think of all those things which happen around me, make me believe may be I'm the one who's jinxed. I'm the one who doesn't deserve peace or smiles. May be it is fine when ppl hate me. May be this is normal for me. At least I can't screw this up, right?

See, I see a silver lining, who says I'm not an optimistic guy? :)

So this is what I wrote again asking you not to love me, though I'm sure you don't but in my dreams you do. So, to ease the pain I'm breaking my dreams on my own. I swear it doesn't hurt that way :)

I falter at every step I take
as I breathe I make a mistake
I'm not the person to be with
what can I bring you
other than pain
you need someone
who says the right things
who doesn't have battles to fight
who will keep you safe
unlike me
I can't even save me from me

Let me fade
even from your memories
as you fly high
high in the skies

I fight my own demons
I lose to everyone of 'em
I'm scared of nightmares
& I come with nothing but strain
I'll drown you with me
you need someone
who lets you rest
who doesn't have nightmares to scare you away
unlike me
I can't even save me from me

Let me fade
even from your memories
as you fly high
high in the skies

Not Alone

Today it will be all about you, like it always has been, like it always will be. I hope you're smiling & have a great day tomorrow. You're always in my prayers. There are many things I want to say but I know, you know what I'd say. Even if you don't, let not it bother your pretty lil head as I'll be there soon telling you all what I want to say coz sometimes words aren't enough.

All the best for tomorrow Peanut :)


Words
as they fail me
& prayers
which I'm sending
to Heavens
fervently
asking Gods
to take care of you
and angels
to watch out
for you

You're not alone
as now
I'm counting on me
for you


Hope
which I cling on to
& your smile
which I long to hear
you're not alone Flower
I've asked moon & stars
to be there
for you


& Dreams
where I dream
all about you
where you're smiling
without a worry
I've asked
days & nights
to cradle you
& love you
like I do

You're not alone
as now
I'm counting on me
for you

I wish you all the happiness & smiles.

I'm a Nobody

Well, here I'm, again writing another one of my write. I was feeling a lil low when I wrote this two days ago & because of some reasons I don't want to share, I couldn't post it then. But here I'm sharing it with all you guys who read what I write (I hope someone's out there reading these, or not, it is an easy way to say things here which are weird in real world & practice what to say when in some social circles).

So, here it goes, brace yourself (I'm good at cheap humor too :P)

Tell me I'm no one
You don't remember me
Laugh at me
when I say
"you said you'll be there for me"
Ask me if I was being serious
"Don't you get the concept of being friendly?"
Let me act nonchalant
Though my heart is bleeding
& let me say with a smile
"Yes, I know, it was a joke,
you were not serious"
I mean, how you could be
I'm a nobody

Then you wish me well
& say
"see you around"
while leaving me alone
with a void & a very loud sound
of my breaking dream
but hey, don't worry
there's a guy out there for you
who would love you
even more than I do
I don't even love myself
I'm a nobody...

Fighting My Demons

This is what I do when I'm happy. I write & I hope. It isn't good or anything amazing like most of the ppl I know write but it helps me to lose some of the reality & be in the place where everything is good & where you love me. And most importantly I can dream that there you're mine, only mine & you fight for me when I surrender fighting my own demons.

I wrote this where I'm asking you to leave me while silently hoping that you won't. I know I'm pathetic but we've already established that so I don't bother wearing faces of sophisticated guy which I'm not.
So here it goes:

Look pretty
always smile
& forget me
I'll bring you down with me
I can't fly baby
I'm chained
with my monsters
whom I fight with
daily
& every other night
when I sleep
without nightmares
I dream
how it could've been me
flying with you
across the rising sun
& moon & all those pretty stars
of your eyes
but I'm a monster
I don't deserve fairytales
I'm happy to see you there
looking pretty
& always smiling
& I silently hope
that you still
remember me
& in the morning
I go again
to fight my demons

Normal Days #22

High & Dry

God, do I make some sexy coffee or what? I wish I could take some snaps of the awesomeness I created but alas offshore policy doesn't allow us to carry any camera or phones which support cameras. Anyway, it's an obsession with me calling the food sexy names. I love my food that way & there's this hypothesis of mine for all you girls out there, if you're with a guy & he doesn't enjoy food don't go out with him. Foodgasms (Orgasmic sound which we make while devouring great food) are the window to the soul of a person. I love food & I sure will use all the techniques involving food while making love. Or I could invent some of mine too, you never know, I've been told I've a very vivid imagination. ;) Am I height of greatness or what?

So, before I turn into a pervert let me talk about the mood I'm in today. I made a coffee & suddenly I was thinking to open a coffee shop. At 27 years I'm still not sure about my career path, not a way to win girls over, huh. :D

But hey if I can make a cup of great coffee I can do anything, even win a girl's heart over. Well that's always the dream isn't it? And all this great day started because I made a great cup of coffee who knows what I'd do if I'd be given a chance in kitchen. No, no, no dirty thoughts. We can do that later & you know that's why I am always late for everything. This is because of my perverted mind. And why do ppl keep bugging me with official work when I'm in a full flow with my thoughts. They hinder my thought process.

Anyway, let's not lose the focus of good food & love making. Again! Enough with the perverted thoughts already. So while I'm basking in the glory of smiles I'm sending you all of my happiness coz without you nothing seems important. I hope you're there & moon & stars is watching over you sending my love. I hope someday I'll make you coffee in morning. You can do the math, if I am making coffee in the morning do I need to say what we did whole night ;)

Blush sweetheart, you know I've got a dirty mind :P

God I'm on fire today. It feels good hope you're feeling great too baby. I miss you more than you could ever know.

And to rest of you ppl this time I'm not imagining & making up some girl. She's real & she's waiting for me. I hope she is.

Take care my Peanut. You're in my prayers, always.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #21

Behind Blue Eyes

Well, today is another day. Amidst everything there are few things which still are same. I'm still missing you, still craving to listen from you, still praying for your well being. I'm still confused about what I'm feeling. I still haven't read a single chapter just killing the time reading articles on net, matching our horoscopes.

See, you see the problem. I'm a pathetic guy. I wish I'd someone who could steer my mind in right direction. I know what I need to do but I'm too lazy to even get up & dust off the mood I'm in. I'm not depressed, I'm not ecstatic, I'm a lil confused but most of all I feel lost. May be without you or may be it is just a dream which I don't wanna let go. Moon & stars is OK but I still need to hear what you will say when I'd tell you that now when I'm not with you all I could think of what you'd be doing right then. Not that I'm creepy if I'm thinking that or am I? I don't know the social protocols here. But all I want to do is listen you & all of you shouting, screaming at me sometimes when you're angry but most of the times when we are making love.

Dude, I'm so way out of dreaming state. I'm on the border of psychotic break I think.

But then you already know that I'm a weirdo, right?
So, here I'm still thinking of you & hoping when I'll be back you'd be there telling me that you missed me too. If you didn't let me still think that you did. I wish you all smiles & happiness.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #20

When I Look to the Sky

Moon & stars is my only companion right now, only souls in this whole world to whom I talk to, only souls who know the secret that I'm falling for you. Please don't blame 'em if they didn't tell you anything. I swore 'em to secrecy & neither did they tell me if you're talking to 'em or not about me. I hope you do. And being a hopeless romantic this is a dream I'm clinging on.

I knew this time it was going to be hard but nothing numbs my pain. I have to get myself together. I ain't reading, I ain't listening to songs, I am not even enjoying things I loved to do before. I know I shouldn't be feeling this empty, this hollow & I'm a way too optimistic person. Even I don't know how I am feeling. Is it confusing, well, NEWS FLASH I am usually confusing. Anyway, I hope you're safe out there & smiling that amazing smile of yours which I see reflected in stars & moon.

brooding at your thoughts
I saw sun coming up
another day of work,
another day of losing myself
& as the night descends
another dream where you're mine

The situation is even I don't know what am I feeling. But I already said that. I just want to be at home. Boy, I'm all over the place with this write today. Please God send me some sign she's thinking about me too. In the meanwhile I'll get my thoughts in a more coherent way.

(To be contd..)

Normal Days #19

Somebody's Me


I'm back to my work place & this time it hurts a lil more, may be I've met an exceptional person in my life whom I'm missing a lot. This time the ache has been profound than ever before. I wish time would fly by & I'll be there again with her, making her smile, writing for her, or most of the times just be with her, listening to all things which she has to say.

I don't know what it would be like to hold her in my arms but I bet she's as delicate as Flower. May be I'm reading too much in b'ween the lines, maybe I'm nothing to her & she will forget all about me. I hope she smiles a lot & all her pain goes away. I don't want her to be anything but happy, content & blissfully radiant. This rotation on many fronts will be a testing one for me. I've to see through the financial matters as I'm planning to shift my base to the capital. I don't know what I'm even writing. Just to take my mind off her I thought this was the best technique. I'm fighting sleep as I didn't get much sleep last night though while I was flying for here I managed a lil nap but it seemed to have aggravated the problem of sleep rather helping it. I also know when I'll lie down to sleep it won't come easy. I long to hear her voice. But I know I can't call her & she can't call me.

I think this was the pain I was looking, this was the longing I was longing for. If only I'd my Twitter fix here.

Missing you.
Hope you're listening.

(To be contd..)

LOVE SONG

Here's for you coz you dream


I was gonna call you tonight
to tell you what was on my mind
somethings which were to be said
& I had it worked out right
& then it rained

I knew it's a dream
coz you were standing right there
looking more b'ful
than I'd thought
& that's when I decided to call
& then it rained

I knew you'd never pick up
it's 3 in the morning
you'd a rough week at work
but now let me say it
what I wanted all along
here's darling for you
a love song
& it's raining

55 Fiction #2

Surviving Sorrow

"What are you thinking daddy?"

"What goes on in that sweet lil head of yours. Do you miss your mommy?"

"I do but I love you & I know you love me too. Daddy, tell me the story how you fell in love with mums."

& once again my lil kid saved me from nightmares.

 

55 Fiction #1

The Proposal

“Why do you love me?” she asked crying.

“The beliefs you’ve, things you don’t believe, truths you hear & all lies which you ignore, all the dreams you weave & reality you want like dream, I want it to share with you, every single day of my life, and nights also.”

And she kissed me.